Love & Lust

Chapter 27

2nd of November. My baby is one.
I'm so glad she made it to one.
It's been busy and I'm a bit tired.
I throw myself on the bed sigh loudly.
Andre walks in and throws himself next to me.

"What a day huh?"
He mumbles into the pillow. He turns a round and faces the ceiling.
"Yeah, I'm so exhausted."

He laughs softly. He pulls me closer to him and I lay my head on his shoulder.
"We've done pretty well at this whole marriage thing,I mean it hasn't been easy but..."
He shrugs.

I'm so glad he can't see my face right now. I have to disagree.
My phone rings and Andre reaches for it,I catch a glimpse of the caller ID before he puts it to his ear. Shit. Jason.

"Hello." His face twists in anger and confusion.
"Who are you looking for...no,it's my wife's... are you sure...better be."
He hangs up and throws my phone towards me.

"Who was that?"
Stupid question Anna.
"Jason."

"What did he want?"

"His 'babe'."

My eyes widen.

"And he called me?"

"He said he must have dialed the wrong number."

"Oh. Weird."
No not really.
He says nothing and he stands up and walks out.
"I'll be back in a while,don't wait up." He scowls before slamming the door and leaving.

I decide to take a shower. I think about Jason. We've been together for about 8 months now. He's tall (in every area), he has dark smooth skin, he is highly blessed with muscles. He has a deep, but soft voice. He has a habit of making anything he says seem so romantic.

The first time he met me,he said,
"Morning Mrs Anderson, I need you to look at that dead mistress again,along with the sex worker we found last night,we might've found a pattern, if it won't be a problem."
Don't judge me but I thought I heard him saying he needs me to take off my clothes so we can have hot steamy sex all night,if I don't mind.

Although that wasn't what he said,an unlikely turn of events resulted in exactly that. He was my boss,technically, but damn he was irresistible. He made me realise,suddenly,that love was missing in my marriage. That was the reason when Andre returned, I would have to talk about a legal separation.

I had thought about Lumière, but I couldn't wait 18 years in a loveless marriage, and besides it was better to get over and done with it now than to do it later when she would be able to choose sides and be bitter and depressed about it.

Jason had already bought us a house in a gated community. I had chosen it with him. It was toddler friendly with a home gym,a theatre and a large pool. Jason wanted Lumière to be home schooled,he would pay for it. For her birthday he had bought her a pair of Christian Louboutin booties and a fancy car seat.

Don't get me wrong, Andre is a great dad,and I won't cut him of from his child. He just isn't such a great husband.
I've been holding this off for 3 months now and it's time I do it. It's best for everyone.

#

"Andre,we need to talk."
He hadn't come home until I was asleep last night so I had to wait for the morning to talk to him about our separation.
He looks up from the paper he is reading and raises an eyebrow.
I take a deep breath. Suddenly my hands are sweaty.

"I've been thinking a lot about us."

"Good, I have been to..."

"Please just listen to me."

"No you listen to me."
I'm taken aback by his reaction but I obey and listen.

"I haven't touched you for over 7 months, you're distant, you don't cook for me anymore. When I come home late with no explanation you don't get mad anymore. Our house is cold even on the hottest day. You get way too excited about going to work. You are secretive when your phone rings, you've changed all your passwords. I know you think I don't see it,but I do. You're no longer interested in this marriage and I know. I've been in denial because I've realised that I'm the only one in this relationship who was ever in love,yes I know,I've put you through some things,and you stayed. But you don't love me Anna,and I've come to accept it. I'll always love you, but I can't make you love me if you don't,and you can't make your heart feel what it won't."

"Andre,you can't say I don't love you."

"I'll be expecting the divorce papers shortly, I won't put up a fight but Anna,I need my baby, don't deny me time with her."

He doesn't wait for my reply, instead he goes to Lumière's nursery.

I know that this is what I wanted but it still hurts a little that he believes I've never loved him. I did. He messed up.
Right?

#

It's been a month since my little conversation with Andre, I've moved out and I'm staying with Jason.
Lumière lived with me fully for the first week and since then she's been alternating between Andre and I.

Jason has been a darling. Today I decide to leave work early and prepare something special for Jay,it's his birthday today and he's not into big parties so a romantic dinner in our house will have to do.

I stop by the grocery store to get a few things and I head home.
I have the stupidest grin plastered on my face. I don't care,all thoughts of Jason make me happy.
I turn on the radio and turn up the volume as Justin Bieber's voice comes through my speakers.

No limit in the sky that I won't fly for you,no amount of tears in my eyes that I won't cry for you,with every breath that  I take, I want you to share that air with me,there's no promise that I won't keep,I'll climb a mountain that's much too steep.
When it comes to you...

   I suddenly realise that I'm no longer thinking of Jason or Andre. I'm thinking of Zach. He once played this song in his car and told me to listen to the words.
When I figured out he had found love.
I smile. I wonder how he is doing.
I realise I hadn't asked him about Andrea the last time I saw him.

My mind snaps back to reality when there is a loud bang and my body propels forward with such force that I fly out of the windscreen. I'm in a car accident.
I don't know what happened.
My thoughts start to get blurry,I think I'm in pain,Lumière... Andre...Zach,save me.

My mind goes blank.