Love & Lust

Chapter 18

"Babe come on we're gonna be late."
"Hold on I'm coming, just a minute!"

5th of May. My graduation ceremony.
Bev, Stacy and I graduated last year.
I hated that these ceremonies were held months after we actually graduated.
Baby Drew and Lisa - Stacy's daughter - were both a year old.
Andre and I finally announced to our parents last Christmas that we were getting married. They took it well, Nicholas still wasn't sure but he didn't want to ruin things for me, as long as I was happy.
We had moved out of the apartment and he bought us a double storey Victorian style house in the suburbs. I had started working in January at a private hospital, Andre didn't really approve of me always being around dead bodies, but he knew I wouldn't leave my job.

Stacy and Marcus were saving up for a house. Bev and Diego were getting married in June. Andre and I were getting married in September. Our lives were coming together and as I got up on the stage at my graduation ceremony, I looked down and our eyes met, my future husband, soon he would be the father of my children,the man of my dreams, he wasn't looking at me anymore. Next to him was Caitlin, Caitlin?
Caitlin.
She seemed to be introducing herself, he nodded coldly and turned his attention back to me.

"What was Caitlin saying to you?"
I ask as we drive off. He looks confused.
"You know her?"
"Yes, she lived with us and left just before I met you."
"Oh, she's my ex."
I was angry, I don't know why. One of the reasons was because he said "my" he should've said "the".
"Oh." that's all I can say without swearing the hell out of him.
"Are you angry?"
"No."
"Babe."
I'm quiet.

"I love you."
Only he can say these words and make me want to surrender my everything to him, but I'm a woman so I don't reply.
After a long silence I speak.
"What did she say?"
"She just said hey."
"How long were you two together?"
"Three years."
How was that possible. He loved me. He had never loved anyone else before this. That's what he told me. Did he lie.
"Why, did you love her?"

"No."
"Don't lie to me, three years?"
"Babe, I don't want to go into this now."
"No tell me, I want to know."
I was getting angry and loud, he sighed loudly and got out of the car, I hadn't even realise we had arrived. I didn't wait for him to open my door. He was irritated by this. I didn't care. I wanted to irritate him.
"Are you going to answer me?"
He ignored me. Fine.

I took a shower and went straight to the kitchen. I made a Miss Jackson special and started stuffing my face, I was not cooking for him tonight. He walked into the kitchen and leaned against the counter his hands in his pocket, just like he had leaned against his car and waited for me so many times. He was staring straight at me.

"I'm hungry."
The nerve!
"There's food in the fridge."
He went to the drawer and got a spoon, he sat next to me.
"She got pregnant."
I was silent. He continued.
"We had been together for two months, she got pregnant and I was stuck with her. I was only 19. My dad wouldn't allow me to leave her, I didn't love her but I felt like it was my responsibility."
I had lived with this girl for two years, why didn't I know this?
"Where is the child."
"He lives with Stacy's parents."

I start crying. I don't want to. I can't help it. I'm hurt.
"Why did you keep this from me?"
"I didn't know about him until a month ago, she disappeared soon afterwards and came back months later and said she lost the baby, she said he was stillborn. She showed up at my office last month with him."
"Why didn't you tell me a month ago."
"I couldn't tell you. I thought you'd leave me."
I would never leave him.
"That's not fair, I promised to never leave, you shouldn't have lied to me."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth sooner, but I at the time I thought it was best."
"Why would she show up now?"
My mind and my mouth again.
He put his hand around me and I lay my head on his chest. He kisses my forehead.
"I don't know."
I sighed, all that anger and crying really wore me out I was tired.
"I love you Annaiese."
"Why?"

He hesitates for a moment.
"I love you, because you're beautiful and you don't have to try to be, you know what you want, you're honest, and never for a second do I have to doubt the fact that you love me."
I turn my face to look at him, his eyes are wet. I smile, regardless of the fact that I just found he had been keeping a child from me, I still loved him, more than I had yesterday. I couldn't explain why, but I knew he was my everything.
"I love you Andre."
"I know."

I think I heard my dress ripping right before my panties were torn off me.
I found myself on the kitchen counter laying on my back,we ended up on the floor then the couch, the dining room table and the pool.

I woke up the following day on my bed, I think he carried me here because the last thing I remember is laying on a pool chair while he went down on me. This man would be the death of me.
My phone rang just as I was about to get up.
"Hey sleepy head."
"Hey, when did you leave?"
"A few hours ago, how are you feeling?"
"I'm okay, where are you?"
"I'm at the office, I'll be back around lunch time, I love you."
"I love you too."

I got up and took a long shower. I got dressed and headed to the kitchen.
I was cooking for him today.