Love & Lust

Chapter 24

1st September. Our 5th anniversary.
We are renewing our vows. We've come a long way since Andrew passed on.
I still love him just as much as I did 6 years ago.

I walk down the aisle in a flowing cream dress. Andre picked it out for me,well not exactly picked it out but I dragged him along against his will on a shopping trip. He nodded in disinterested approval at everything I tried, but when I put this one on his lips spread out into that perfect smile of his that made me melt.

It was figure hugging right until the bottom of my ribcage,then it flowed gracefully all the way to the floor.
He looked at me exactly the same way he had on our wedding day.

#

"Andre I have one more present to give you."

He raised his eyebrow in question.
"Well go on."

I laugh and give him an oblong navy velvet box. He smiles as he takes it.

"Is it a necklace?"

"Open it."

He opens it and he looks like he's unsure how to react.
It's a pregnancy test,I'm pregnant.
I thought this would be good for our relationship, but I'm not so sure anymore.

"Say something."

"How long have you known?"

"About 3 days."

I don't understand at all.
This is not the reaction I was hoping to get.
He says nothing,he rubs his eyes and sits on the edge of the bed. He throws the box on the bed.

"Andre what's wrong?"

"Nothing babe,it's just really unexpected. Come here."

He leads me onto his lap and I put my head on his chest.

"I love you."

He says while kissing my head. Something isn't right but right now I don't think I should push any further.

*****************************************

He's being distant again. He leaves early and comes back late. I don't know what his problem is,today I'm waiting up. My marriage won't go back to that place,and I need him now more than ever I'm 5 months pregnant for crying out loud.

23:47 pm.

He walks in the bedroom, he throws off his tie and takes of his shoes. It's completely dark. He goes to the closet.
I stand up and turn the lights on. He comes back and looks at me, I don't know what emotion is written on his face.
He says nothing.

"Where were you?"
It comes out more aggressive than I had intended.
He looks at me defiantly. He laughs coldly.

"Work."

I lose it.

"What do you think I am? You can't come and go as you please, I'm human dammit I have some feelings, and I'm pregnant with your damn child Andre,you can't withdraw from me like this. Or are you seeing another woman,is that the issue?"

He's not looking at me,his jaw tightens.

"Answer me! Have I suddenly become too fat,or ugly,is that it?"

"Shut up,you sound stupid."
He mumbles darkly.
I don't care,he can't treat me like this and get away with it.

"You don't tell me to shut up,you're a slut,that's what you are,you're always running around fucking all these psycho bitches."

He grabs my wrist. He looks into my eyes,I try to find my husband but I can't. I see the eyes of a spiteful stranger. There is no love,care,not even worry.

"Don't fucking speak to me like that."

He let's me go. I look down defeated. What if I never get him back what if I've lost him forever? I can't deal with this.
I break down and cry. He switches off the light and goes to bed.

I don't know when I fell asleep but when I wake up I'm in the same spot I fell asleep in.
He didn't even bother to put me on the bed. I don't know who to call. I don't know whether I should cry. I don't know what to pray for. This is happening again,I've become the woman I used to look down upon. The worst part is leaving is not even an option for me.

#

"Hey Diego I'm sorry for calling you here at such short notice."

He smiles.
"Anything for my brother's wife."

I look down. This is going to be hard, but I have to save my marriage. I feel tears threatening to fall,I fight them back and lose.
Gosh I'm so pathetic.

"Hey,hey what's wrong?"

I wipe them away hastily and clear my throat.

"Diego,I think I've lost Andre."
I say dryly.
He looks at me puzzled.

"He's never home,he leaves while I'm asleep and comes back when I'm asleep,he doesn't eat the food I leave for him in the microwave. I tried talking to him about it last night,he...he just didn't care at all. He became all aggressive."

"Did he hit you?"

"Oh God No."

He puts his hand over mine,I look down afraid I'm going to see pity in his eyes.
I look up,I'm wrong he's angry.

"I'll speak to him Anna,don't worry."

He stands up and leaves. I just became the most pathetic woman ever. I sink down in my chair and try to cry,but then remember I have things to do so I dive into my job.

18:45

"Hey Anna,you should really go home."

My boss, I've avoided her these whole 5 months. She has a funny way of seeing a person when they aren't themselves.

"Oh God,I completely lost track of time."

Of course I'm lying. I was hoping I don't have to return to that house.
I start to pack up, she's still standing I'm the doorway,I can feel her eyes burning into my scalp. I look up,I start to fake a smile but I know better.

"You get home safe,say Hi to your husband."

I try to fake the smile that used to creep on my face whenever someone mentioned Andre.

"You too,I will."

Oh shit. I think I'm going to cry.
Please leave,she turns around and leaves. I let them fall freely.
I haven't even spoken to Bev or Stacy.
I'm afraid they'll tell me what I already know.

Leave before its too late.