Happier (BTS)

Reflection

The familiar rumble of the airplane's engines made Elena even more giddy in her seat. Looking out the window, she could see Seoul coming closer and closer to her; despite the painfully long flight, Elena's eyes sparkled with excitement.

For a moment, she wished Taehyung was next to her like her first flight to South Korea, even if she hadn't known him at the time. Now, it was Benjamin snoozing next to her, his head bobbing comically every so often.

Not only was she excited to see the city again, but she was desperate to see the other five boys she had left behind. Elena craned her neck behind her until she spotted Hoseok and Jimin sitting in their own seats a few rows back. Jimin noticed and waved brightly at her; Hoseok was fast asleep. Elena smiled and returned the gesture before settling back into her seat.

Her father had taken the news surprisingly hard, but Elena couldn't blame him. Now, he had no children nearby and no wife; however, it had been his choice to stay in America.

***December 8th, 2016***

It was after midnight when Elena returned to her father's house. Wagging his tail, Max greeted her excitedly while he father gave an entirely different aura.

William May sat on the couch as he looked up upon Elena's entrance. His lips were turned down in a frown, his arms crossed in front of him.

Slipping off her shoes and feeling her father's gaze on her, she said, "I didn't think you were home."

"I am. Why weren't you?" He countered, not moving from his spot on the couch.

Elena shuffled over towards him in her socks. Collapsing onto the couch, she lay her head on her dad's shoulder. The action shocked him, but he didn't move. He had to play the stern father after she worried him so. "I just needed some fresh air. I'm sorry, Dad." Elena said, her voice soft and tired.

William's eyes softened. He hesitated briefly before unfolding his arms and wrapping one around his daughter's slumped shoulders. "It's okay. I just worry. I'm sorry I wasn't home earlier, but I'm here now."

Elena smiled weakly, her eyes blinking slowly. "Yeah, you're here now. Thanks for that."

"Anytime, Kiddo." William smiled down at the top of her head, giving her shoulder a soft squeeze in his usual, familiar way.

It's now or never.

"Actually, I wanted to tell you something." Elena didn't move her head from his shoulder, nervous to look him in the eye and too tired to move as well. "I got a job offer. A career opportunity actually." She began.

William sat up straighter, his eyebrows raising even if she couldn't see. "Really? That's great! Which hospital?"

Elena's heart dropped at the excitement in his voice. "It's, um, it's not at a hospital-"

"Oh, then it's a clinic? A research facility?" William interrupted without noticing his daughter's stutters.

"It's in Seoul, and it's to be a private photographer for a music group." Elena ripped the bandage off, her words tumbling over each other in a rush to be exposed. In response to her news, she felt her father still; she sat up and forced herself to look at him.

There it was: big blue eyes, pouty lips, and lowered shoulders. It was the look he always gave when he didn't like what he heard. Specifically, when Elena wanted to do something away from home. Even when she was in seventh grade, he made that face when she wanted to stay the night at a friend's house.

The only difference is that back then, he only teased; now, it was pure sadness.

"A private photographer." He repeated to himself, as if he couldn't fathom his intelligent, medical-bound daughter being interested in such a comparably lower status. "What about your studies?"

Elena opened her mouth, closed it, then spoke once she thought of how to respond. "It's a paid position and won't be 24/7. I can get another part time and get scholarships to continue my studies in South Korea." She rooted around in her mind for anything to convince him. "You can come with us. You, me, and Benny. Together. You've always said how much you'd love to see the world. This is a chance. You're retired, so you won't have to worry about getting to work-"

"No."

Elena's heart instantly dropped. "What?" Her voice was quiet, stunned. She never considered herself spoiled until she was reminded of how rare it was for him to deny her.

"I said no. I'm not going." He clarified.

Realizing it wasn't a no to her going, but regarding himself, she felt even worse. How selfish of her. Blinking rapidly to refocus, Elena leaned against the back of the couch. "Why not? You have more than enough money saved, and Benjamin has plenty of room until you can find a place."

William looked at his daughter with sad eyes, running his hand gently through his daughter's hair and tucking it behind her ear as he used to when she was young. "I can barely stand the distance from your mother here. In South Korea, I can't visit her every day. I don't want to be any further from her than I already am." His eyes watered, but no tears fell. Elena found it more painful seeing him hold back than earlier when he had openly sobbed.

Heart tight in her chest, Elena crossed her arms in front of her as if physically trying to hold herself together. Her father's words set off something inside of her. Jealousy maybe? Jealous that she would never find a love as strong as her parents'. Nobody could or ever would.

"I'm sorry," she blurted, "I don't have to go, I don't want you to-"

"Elena, I'm not going to be upset if you go." He interrupted, "I know how much you love photography, and I'm so proud that you got a job offer. I'll just miss you." He ended with a soft smile, and no tears filmed over his blue eyes this time.

Her heart settled with relief, her chest no longer tight with guilt. Wrapping her arms around her dad's neck in a hug she often gave when she was younger, she smiled. "Thank you, dad. I promise I'll visit you and mom often."

William returned the hug easily. He had forgotten how much he loved his daughter. Of course, he knew he loved her, but at that moment, his heart ached with the emotion. "I know you will." He answered, "I won't allow you to forget about us."

"I could never."

William didn't allow her to see his tears.

Photo is my dog, and he is an absolute old man, but he has my whole heart!