together | ethan

eighteen

After hours of long conversation with Lisa yesterday, I had convinced her to let me stay and raise my baby here in her house. I promised to get a job and get money so I could potentially get my own place.

Ethan leaves for college in a few hours and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm super happy for him, not to mention proud. I'm glad he's off to his dream college.

We spent last night enjoying each other's presence as if we were never gonna see each other again.

And I spent the last hour wondering how it'd be without him. How he'd be a college, and what will happen with us.

That hour had seemed to pass by really quick when we pulled up to the front of Princeton. I looked at the real big building in front of me. I was staring at my dream school.

Ethan squeezes my hand, before getting out of the car. I get out with him.

His parents help him take out all his things. They say something to him, making him laugh.

When he turns around to me, I try not to cry, wanting this to be a happy moment. But he could tell that was the case when he reminds me by saying,

"I love you."

We talk a bit more before heading to his dorm room. When we entered the school, I watched as some college kids kept to themselves and studied with their headphones in, while other made small talk with other kids.

As we approached the long hallway of dorm rooms, I squeezed into Ethan's hand, not saying a word. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him staring down at me, but I was very much in my own world to even acknowledge.

Without realizing, we're all standing outside his dorm. He puts his key into the lock, and opens the door.

The rooms empty; no roommate, no furniture other than beds and desks.

"Huh, I guess your roommate isn't here yet," his dad says. They set his things down, making small talk.

I walk over to the window and see a bunch of students in the courtyard. An activities fair.

[don't correct me on this, i know the activities fair is inside but whatever, i like outside better :)]

My hand travels down to my stomach. Because of this, I don't think I'll be able to go to college until after it's born.

A wave of sadness washes over me. I'm sad I don't get to go to college with Ethan. And I'm sad I don't get to go to Princeton.

"Hey, Carter," I turn around, Ethans parents are gone, "wanna go to the activities fair with me?"

I nod, following him out the door. I grab his hand, squeezing it to reassure myself that I'm still with him and will be for a while longer.

When we head outside, I see a bunch of interesting clubs.

We walk past some interesting looking clubs, "you think I should join one?" Ethan asks, looking over at them. His eyes shine with excitement.

"Good afternoon freshman!"

I can't believe I'm the pregnant girl who isn't even going to college and I'm judging the shit out of these people. I don't know if it's good or bad judging. I might just be jealous.

"Sure," I replied.

"Are you upset?" He asks, sounding concerned while at the same time sounding a bit annoyed.

"What? No! It's not everyday someone gets accepted into an Ivy League school. Especially when they've been a dumbass all of highschool," I laugh.

"Shut up," he playfully shoves me, a smirk on his face, "it's not that big of a deal anyways."

"How? I mean, you're in our dream school."

He sighs, "yes, but I'm in our dream school alone."

"Hey, sorry I'm dumb as hell."

"You know what I mean.." he chuckles, ".. but yeah you are pretty dumb."

"Thanks for reassuring.."

A woman stops us as we were walking to talk to us about the campus. She hands us flyers about a club she's hosting.

I couldn't stop thinking about how it would be if Ethan and I were to attend college together. Why did it have to be this way?

Why couldn't Ethan and I just live our happily ever after and do what we want.

I've convinced everyone, even myself, that I'm okay and that I'm happy for everyone, but I'm not. I can't do this. I can't be alone.

"Hey, I'm gonna go use the bathroom." I had to leave him to explore the campus more. I didn't want to be the rainy cloud on a sunny day.

"Okay," I leave him be, and search for a bathroom on my own. This place was huge, I knew I'd get lost no matter where I went.

I was an emotional mess. I didn't know if it was the baby talking or if that was just how I was feeling today. I didn't want to show anyone around that I was upset, so I made quick movements when finding a bathroom.

I turned into a hallway. To my luck, I found a public bathroom, and jogged inside.

Empty. Awesome.

As I stared at myself in the mirror, I wondered, "who is this girl? I recognize her, but she's a mystery to me." If you compare me in high school versus me right now, they'd be totally different.

It's been one year since I graduated, and still it seems scary to be an adult.

I was so rushed into becoming an adult, I never realized how much I miss being a kid.

My entire life I've wanted to grow up so I could experience more. But once you've grown too much, you just want to go back.

New Jersey is going to be really different with the life of the party gone. You know, Ethan.

Instead of my mind running blank, it's overlapping with tons of thoughts that I can't take away.

I'm lost.

END OF CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

as promised, i am posting because we got 100k views on here!!