I Promise I'm Trying

788 20 7

par Anomiac

par @Anomiac

Tags: Hollstein, Depression, Anxiety, Catmilla, Fluff, Angst

She slams the door behind her and locks it with shaky hands as she tries to keep her breathing deep and even. If her father could see her now, he'd be up in arms trying to apprehend the person chasing her, but the thing he doesn't understand and that she so desperately wants him to understand, is that there's nobody chasing her. She's the only one chasing herself in an endless cycle of trying to be okay and hoping to be okay, when in reality she will never be okay. She gave up on the concept of 'happy' a long time ago, and along with 'happy' went 'friends' and 'restful sleep' too.

The only light in her life is the ball of fur slinking up next to her with an reserved meow, staring up at her. Laura sinks down to the floor and leans against the door next to her only friend.

"Hey, Carmilla," she says with her voice wavering on every syllable. The sleek black cat steps onto her lap and rubs against Laura's face. Her soft fur is already starting to help the blonde girl breathe slower. Shaky hands smooth over the cat's back and back up slowly.

"I'm sorry I left you behind today," she sighs, her voice not as wobbly as before, "I thought I was ready. For.. I don't know. To be on my own -- outside these apartment walls at least."

The cat merely stares at her and nudges into her hand when she raises it up to stroke the long whiskers protruding from black fur. When she first got Carmilla, she was a little bit unsure, since she never had a pet before, how having a cat would help her mental stability, but the first time Carmilla insisted on sitting on her lap when she was having an anxiety attack, she realized how helpful an emotional support animal could be. Her sleep hasn't improved much, but her ability to handle whatever life or her own brain throws at her has gotten a lot better. She can't even imagine what life would be like without her.

"Come on. Let's go to bed, Carm."

Laura lays in bed with Carmilla snuggled into her side on top of the blankets as usual, and they both fall asleep in no time at all.

"Cupcake, never leave me," the deep yet feminine voice whispers. She feels slender arms wrap around her and pull her into a warm hug. Her foggy thoughts present to her the image of Carmilla's face, her green cat eyes watchful and her mouth almost smirking -- if a cat can even do that, but when she opens her eyes a woman lays next to her instead, Her long wavy dark hair cascades behind her and her face is very close to Laura's. In her dark brown eyes, which meet Laura's gaze without hesitation, rests something powerful, captivating. It seems like she spends hours staring into those eyes until the moment slips away into her subconscious and she wakes up to a new day.

Carmilla's paws settle on Laura's chest with increasing pressure, and the blonde lifts the cat off her chest several times, fruitlessly, knowing that Carmilla will just keep on doing it until she gets up to feed her. She's lucky to have such a needy cat.

Heeey if you like weird but totally awesome and catchy indie songs, you should check out Cavetown. Totally not a promo. I just really love him. (This title is one of his songs.)

https://www.youtube.com/user/fluffybluehat