Unsaid

chapter thirty nine

“What?” he asked, asking to me to repeat the question for the third time.

“Why are you so against Niall being with me?” I asked again, my hands were trembling slightly for an unknown reason as I stood in the door of my brother’s cluttered large bedroom.

“Are you going to just stand there or come in?” Matthew asked, dodging the question, nonetheless, I walked in and sat on his dresser at the end of the room.

“Please just tell me.” I practically begged.

“You know why everyone is against it Soph.” I rolled my eyes, I’d heard this a million times, I just wanted to hear something different from the one person I could trust. “Sophie this isn’t you.”

“But what if it is Matthew?” I asked as he raised an eyebrow “What if, the person I’ve been up to now, was just what I thought I was, what mum wanted me to be, what if I’m still trying to find the real me? What if the real me, is someone who goes with someone like Niall Horan?” I asked, mostly to myself, this was a new theory I had come up with just now, but as the words freely flowed out of my mouth, they made sense. “What if I just haven’t found myself yet...?”

Matthew stayed quiet, mulling over my words as he stared at a patch of light paint on one of his walls.

“You were just out with Harry?” he said looking up towards me.

I nodded, unsure of how he actually knew, id ask later, but right now I just wanted to hear whatever he had to say.

“So three guys at once?” His words hurt me, how he thought that.

“What? No Matthew! I can have friends other than Louis, Harry is a friend, and I don’t know anymore, Ben has changed.” Or maybe it was me who had changed? I wasn’t sure anymore, I could no longer tell, but ben and I weren’t the same together, that I was sure of.

“So break up with him?” Matthew said like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“I cant do that.” I fretted, pushing my head in to my hands.

“Why not?”

“If I do that, and I start ‘seeing’ Niall, I think mum would disown me.” I said trying to chuckle, but subsequently failing miserably.

“Why do you give a shit about what mum thinks? Its your life at the end of the day.”

“He doesn’t date.” I mumbled, it sounded so ridiculous. “He doesn’t have girlfriends, and if he did, it wouldn’t be me, because im not one of them.”

“He said that?”

“In some shape or form.” I whispered back as Matthew sighed standing up and walking over to me.

“You know what I think?” he asked as I shook my head timidly. “Fuck what everyone else thinks Sophie.” My eyes widened at my brothers sense of blatantness.

“What?”

“I don’t really like the idea of him with you, and I’ll admit that, because he’s not a nice guy.” Matthew was going to continue but I cut him off.

“He’s nice to me.” I whispered childishly as Matthew smiled nodding.

“Okay, well, still, he’s covered in tattoo’s and piercings, of course I don’t like the idea, but if you like him, then you’re my sister, and I’ll stand by you.” I felt myself welling up as my brother stood in front of me, telling me he’d respect whatever I chose.

“But I don’t want my sister two timing.”

“I know.” I sighed, once again at cross roads with what to do. “Just don’t worry about me okay?” I asked as Matthew nodded, scrunching his nose up, and slapping my arm playfully.