Author's Games: Fandoms

Task 5: Scores and Feedback

wordsmith-

-0.1 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.9

Your descriptions are extremely vivid, like I'm watching this unfold. The mystery and set up of the crime is absolutely fantastic and massively impressive. I literally can't stop reading it. Killing Hiran was a major surprise and I feel so bad for Fiona. I love how Kappo is stepping up to help her no matter how he feels about the situation with Zanna. Matoaka being so scared and then Kappo comforting her gave me SO MANY FEELS and ship feels to but then they were in danger. Going to Ilnan's pov at the end was intense and helped to show exactly what had happened. Then I FREAKED when you hinted that Matoaka had been killed and Kappo was getting hurt and when I reached the end and saw Matoaka's name on the list... My heart completely shattered. HOW COULD YOU KILL HER? Wh... What about Kappo? What about their ship? WHAT IS KAPPO GOING TO DO WITHOUT HER AND HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO THEM? Like maybe you can save her... THERE HAS TO BE A WAY TO SAVE HER I CANNOT PROCESS OR FATHOM THIS. You characterized everyone so well and the mystery was instense. It felt like a crime and literally I couldn't stop reading. There was only one punctuation mistake - literally just an accidentally missed comma and your character voices are all so different and unique that I followed it all. It was amazing. For this reason, you scored a 2 on the writing maturity scale. What an amazing job! EXCEPT FOR KILLING MATOAKA THAT IS NOT OKAY AND YOU MUST FIND A WAY TO SAVE HER LIFE AND UNDO IT. NOW. RIGHT NOW. *sobs*

Several7s

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.1 for spelling

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.1 for grammar

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction

SCORE: 11.5

I was very impressed with only having four mistakes. Even though I haven't had time to read through everyone's new charcters, so you had 21 new people I didn't know, you wrote it so well and characterized them so that I followed everything easily and understood things. It felt like a mystery and you characterized Cat well. You even did a good job with VIncent just by describing the fight scene. It was intense and I had no idea who was going to live or die. Wren and Caleb were surprises and super evil of you - definitely feels. NAOKI AND KHEN AAAHH. I ship them! So Dylan has time travel? It's a little confusing... Overall though, you only had four syntax errors, which didn't really take away from your entry too badly and for that reason, you scored a 1.9 on the writing maturity scale. Amazing job! Keep it up!

jaypvie

-0.2 for spelling

-0.2 for punctuation

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction.

SCORE: 11.5

Wonderful descriptions. The arena was definitely different and not what I expected at all. I loved descriptions of showing me Nate's fear of elevators and closed spaces. I'm afraid of elevators too and you made it very realistic. Your entry was very intense and you kept me in suspense about who the killer was - I wasn't sure it was one of the brothers and I enjoyed the twist that the fire one wanted to protect the ice one (sorry I can't remember their names). I honestly didn't expect you to kill Jasmine, or for it not to be over when it seemed like it. Man, it was brutal, having to read all your characters being killed. The ending seemed slightly rushed, but it wasn't rushed badly and with the word count, there wasn't much more you could have added there. I did like the fact that Denji, and Thomas lived. You only had four mistakes, which were both typos and punctuation errors, nothing too major. For this reason, you scored a 1.9 on the writing maturity scale. I think the only way you could improve (since your writing is so amazing already) is just to fix those final few mistakes and ensure your entry is as flushed out as it can be. I LOVED the snippets from your other character's pov and including the Gamemakers - nice touch. The ending with a mysterious person following them, leaving them in danger was quite the cliff hanger too! Wonderful job!