My Own Personal Hell

Chapter One: How Does One Start an Autobiography...

It was a dark and stormy night...

Man, what an opening right? I mean, after a sentence like that, you're probably expecting some dark suited vigilante to jump off a roof and attack some ruffians down below.

He he... ruffians...

Then it's followed with a dramatic fighting scene, where he easily takes out bad guy by bad guy. One by one, like some dark knight.

Well that's not what's going on here. I ain't Batman. I wish I was...

Maybe people would hate me less...

But no, that's not this story. I wasn't an orphan, I'm not afraid of winged mammals and I don't have a British butler.

My name is Damen Black, I died on December 25th 1965 - Christmas morning.

It was my fault... I did some stupid stuff... got my family involved in things they shouldn't have been involved in...

But that's not important right now. That's not what this story is about. This story is about me now.

"But you're dead Dame-" Shut up! I haven't gotten there yet. Give me a minute.

I made a deal ya see, With the Devil himself. You're probably about to say somthin' like "Wow you're so brave Damen-" No, listen. Satan's a big push over. Maybe too much of one.

Basically, take anything you've read about him and burn it.

He's like this gay guy dressed as a pimp.

I know, I thought it sounded strange too. I mean really, it's like the writer doesn't even care.

Oh and if your offended, like, "That's pretty homophobic Dame-" Shut up! Go kiss a dog and leave me alone. I don't care what you think.

Anyway, I made a deal with Sateen as he calls himself... really Tim... You are...

So I made a deal with him that he would let me be a demon for a little while to get some revenge on some people who did me dirty.

"You sound corny Dame-" oh yeah? Well you sound like you married your cousin.

Anyway, he let me get what I wanted with the rule that as soon as I got my revenge, I had to give the powers up. So... I tricked him.

And I tricked him well...

The last person I had to kill, I cursed to have eternal life, then I locked him in a cage and hid him away.

Now... now I will never die.

I know! I'm a genius! Hahahaha!

So now I'm stuck in hell for eternity.

Was it worth it?

No.

Oh, and I forgot where I hid the guy too, so... now I don't know what to do.

Yup.

So I think that's chapter one. Let's see, my names Damen Black, I'm a demon, I'm stuck in Hell... oh oh oh.

And I'm extremely depressed.

The end.

Of the chapter that is... I know, its a pretty stellar opening.

But trust me; this story is worth it. At least, I hope it is... I mean, its my story so, it has to be, right? Hopefully I matter enough... hopefully...