What about NOW?

23| I still love her

JERRY's POV

I woke up from yet another nightmare.

It's always the same, it starts with her laughter, of how her eyes twinkle with laughter. How everything feels right when we're together. Of how I can see my future with her.

Then it will morph into something awful, something I keep running away from.

Her miscarriage.

I was a coward, I know. I ran away and put the blame on her because I couldn't face it, I couldn't stand the fact that I Iost something I barely had, something I already imagined a life with. You can call me a selfish bastard and it'll still be putting it lightly and my soul is now probably burning in hell. She doesn't deserve me, most of all, she doesn't deserve to go through the pain I put her through.

After I walked out of her life I've done nothing but work, work until I'm exhausted, work until pain no longer haunts me. It worked. . . Some days.
A year ago I looked for Alexa when I came back from my relatives up north. She was already gone, her mom said she moved to a bigger city. That broke me, again. To think that I was planning on starting anew with her, making up for my mistakes and hopefully reclaim my love.

Who am I kidding?

She's a tough, no nonsense, straight up no bullshit kind of girl why would she waste away in waiting for me? She had dreams to fulfill and a world to see. At least she started living her life. Something I'd inadvertently stole when I got her pregnant.

But I can't call it a blessing in disguise either. It was a nightmare, something that I'm still experiencing every god damn day.

But I'm determined to make everything right. Although I know that words ain't gonna cut it, I still have to try. That, or I'll die.

I took my phone from my bedside table and called the only person who can and will help me. Mike.

I pressed his number and waited for him to answer as I sit on my bed. It went to the answering machine so I dialled again.

''Hello?'' Thankfully he answered on the 3rd ring.

''Hey Mike, it's Jerry. Can we meet and maybe catch up?'' I asked hopefully. There was a long pause before I heard a rustling sound as if his shifting on his position.

''Sure, text me where. I'll be there.'' He answered firmly with a flat tone before ending the call. I know he's still mad at me, I wouldn't hold it against the guy since he's a good friend of Alexa but I'd rather get punched repeatedly than not be able to talk to her again.

I took a bath and texted Mike our meeting place. It's a local bar just outside our town.

I know that we both need a drink before talking about what happened few years back and I know for a fact that I don't wear sober equally well with confrontations of reality. Not since that dreadful day.

●●●

It's half past six when I arrived at the bar. The place is half packed with some of the patrons playing at the two billiards table at the far left of the area. The place is not that bad, although the walls looks like it desperately need a new splash of paint and some of the chairs needed mending from the damages because of the usual drunken bar brawls.

I found myself an empty seat by the bar between a tall brunette nursing a glass of shandy while intently typing on her phone and a balding man with disheveled botton down who looks like he's ready to pass out.

I lazily sitted myself and ordered jack-coke before looking at me wrist watch. There's still five minutes before seven, Mike will be here soon.

I'm almost done with my glass when someone tapped my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder and saw Mike standing behind me with his hands shoved in his jeans. I grabbed my nearly empty glass of jack-coke and drained it before standing up.

''Hey man'' I greeted and gave him a manly hug ''thanks for coming.''

He nodded and smiled tightly ''no problem, although I gotta say, punching you was the main plan.''

I laughed reluctantly. ''Do it. I'll take a dozen more if that's what it takes to be on your good side again.''

He shrugged and grimaced ''nah, we're too old for that.''

I smiled and gave him a pat on the back then jerked my chin sideways, silently suggesting that we look for another seat to talk.

We walked across the now crowded dance floor, squeezing ourselves between people after people of sweaty bodies and found ourselves a table pushed at the corner wall partly obscured by a big ass standee of a she devil holding a bottle of beer.

I ordered a bucket from a passing waitress.

''Spill it out.'' Mike said leaning toward me so I can hear him better.

I hesitated. I'm not yet drunk, how can I say it coolly. To hell with it. ''Alexa, how is she?''

Mikes stares at me impassively, propping his elbows on the edge of the table. ''Listen,'' his voice flat but firm ''if you mess with Alexa again, I'm gonna kill you this time.''

His eyes burned on mine. I don't doubt it.

I'm about to say something when the waitress approached us with the bucket of beer while chewing gum ''hi boys, enjoy'' she said suggestively before winking at Mike. I shook my head as I chuckle.

''You're charm still working, I see''

He grabbed a beer and opened it ''I never lost it.'' We both laughed and washed it down with our beer.

''I still love her'' I confessed suddenly, he was obviously taken a back but he frowned after a second.

''You don't leave the people you love.''

That one hit home and I was caught off guard.

Thinking back, I've always been trouble from the get-go but she took a chance on me. She did not just accepted me she also loved me.

I toyed with the bottle of beer, swirling the amber liquid inside ''I know'' I admitted, undable to bear the thought and how it affected Alexa. I took a long swig of my beer and winced ''but everybody deserves a second chance.''

He looked at me quizzically as he comfortably lean back on his chair. ''Fine, I'll help you. Not because I want you guys to be back together but because I believe that you both need closure.''

That made me sit up straight. Closure?

Clearly, he's still not warming up with my plans but I'll take what I can get.

I nodded slowly ''fine'' I accepted, pursing my lips before leaning forward and tapping the neck of his beer bottle with mine ''cheers, for a new start.''

He smiled openly then downed his drink and we sat there for a little longer.

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Oohh, Jerry's back!! What you guys think will happen?

Whose POV should it be next?

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Iloveyou all modern bookworms 😘😚😚