What about NOW?

19| Heartbreak 💔

  

19|
×Alexa's P.O.V.×

Days came and went like a tide on the shore. Thinking back, it gives me a certain feeling of nostalgia. Two years ago, I learned that I'm pregnant wih Jerry's kid. I can't say that I'm ecstatic about it which I loathed myself for. But before you judge me about being a horrible person, try and understand where I'm coming from. I was seventeen back then.
Seventeen.
I was young and incapable of many things and my world feels like collapsing. That time, Jerry held me, he helped me get through it and assured me over and over again that everything will be alright.

''Shh. . Don't cry, Alexa. Our baby can hear you'' I vividly remember that day, how he embraces me and how he whispered soothing words. The warmth of his skin caressing my trembling body and his voice calming me with every word he says.

He stayed with me that day while I cry the living daylights out of me. And I'm  very thankful of him to that. But I guess life found it a little to boring to watch that's why it decided to give me a little challenge, something that will surely throw me of the course.

Four months in on my pregnancy, I suddenly felt an excruciating pain in my lower abdomen, it feels like my insides are burning and it's ferociously growing, spreading all throughout my body I immediately called out for my mom but I before she was able to come to my side I passed out.

''What happened to the baby?'' I asked my mom quietly, I don't know why, but somehow I knew something terrible happened. My mom took few shaky breaths before placing her hand on top of mine as I lay limply on a hospital bed.

''I'm so sorry Alexa, we lost the baby'' mom finally let the words out and every damn word felt like a bullet hole.

Later that awful day, Jerry came to the hospital with one of his cousins whose name I can't recall. But his reaction is vividly etched in my head.

'' how did this happen?'' Jerry asked  slowly, but I knew that there is anger within his voice.
''It just happened'' I answered him with trembling lips, but I knew, I knew that he is mad at me ''my body is attacking the baby, my body thinks of it as an infection or a virus, that's why. . .'' He cut me off with his words
''What do you mean that your body attacked the baby?'' He hissed, and I flinched by how curt it sounded.
''The doctor said that me and our baby don't have the same RH factor as me, that is why my body kept on denying our baby from my womb''  I tried explaining, but his eyes clearly states his anger towards  me.
What? He thinks it's my fault now?
''Jerry please. . . '' with pleading voice I searched for his eyes, encouraging him to take a look at me but he didn't. His chocolatey eyes that used to give comfort and affection were now dark and wild and it honestly scared me. Instantly, I felt it.
He's walking away from my life. From me.

And he did. Jerry walked away from me that day. As much as it hurt me, I did not do anything to fix us or go after him because I was equally hurt and devastated and a part of me was certain that it was for the better.
Because I was scared and hurt and because deep down It felt like it's my fault and I secretly blamed myself for losing the baby.

From then on, I never saw Jerry again. Maybe he avoided me like the plague or maybe he moved out of the city. I never really tried to find him because I thought that, if he really loved me he would reach out first. We were both hurting and it is unfair of him to bail out on me on our hardest times. Those were my roughest days― days that I can't get up from the bed, days that I felt nothing but emptiness and loneliness. Days that I lost count and treated it just like the passing wind.

My mom played a big role in my recovery from myself destructive ways. She helped me get through it and pushed me to do and discover new things. A year later, I decided to go back to school and move to New Orleans where my aunt Vangie lives. My mom supported my decision and even promised to send me money from time to time, I declined her offer because I don't want her to be over worked and I needed as much distraction as I can get to forget everything and start anew. My aunt is also very supportive and loving and I'm really greatful to have family members that are willing to help and support each other.

Another year came and went and I was finally over everthing that happened I even landed myself a job at an advertising firm as a secretary that is conveniently 30 minutes away from my aunt Vangie's house. Things are looking up, and for the first time for a very long time I'm finally able to feel scarcely happy and coming from my experience that is a big leap.

''Everything will be alright, Alexa'' I said to myself before sleep finally took me in.

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And it's a wrap! 🎬
So there, as I said before we will be having a fast forwarded chapter because I think that it is necessary for the build up of the story. I don't want it to be dragging and slow paced so I hope you guys enjoy it 👍❤❤

Enough rambling. . .

How was it? I'm really sad for Alexa 😞
I hope everything will be better for her.
(This chapter is raw and unedited)

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Sending all my love to you modern book worm 🙌🙌🙌🙌💞💞💞

Love,
E💚💛💜💝