Our Little Infinity

Damned

                After the whole Harley incident it was like it never happened. Months went by and they didn't even try to contact me. I was happy with this. Mira was alright, and so was Colton. Ross was always worried about me and the kids, and anytime we went out any where he was on edge. Just waiting for the moment where they strike. Aspen was pretty much the same. Except afterwards he seemed different. Off.  He was distant with me, and not just me either. He was even distant with Miracle which never happened. He barely spoke to us, and most of the time he spent out in the garage. I was worried about him, not just that but I wanted my Aspen back. 

"Aspen..." I spoke softly as I entered the garage with a plate of steak and potatoes. He didn't eat dinner with us anymore either. I turned the corner finding Aspen aiming a gun at me. I jumped nearly throwing half the food to the floor. "God Aspen what the hell?" I wondered looking at him. He didn't move. He seemed frozen, aiming the gun at me with not a single emotion on his face. "Aspen." I said again, setting the plate down beside me on the work bench and taking a step forward. 

"Don't move!" Aspen's harsh voice echoed around the garage. 

"Aspen what are you doing? It's me..." I uttered raising my hands up in defense. 

"On your knees!" He shouted again. My heart was racing at this point, and my mind was so jumbled I couldn't think straight. My knees hit the floor quickly as I looked up at him. It was then I realized what was going on. Aspen had Post-traumatic stress disorder. He didn't register that he was home, he thought he was still in the war. This made my stomach knot up and my nerves rise even more. It explained everything. Why he didn't talk much, why he was so distant, and why he spent so much time out here. I had to snap him out of it somehow. 

"Aspen baby. It's me. Please put the gun down." I said in a hushed voice. I wanted to show him I was calm even though on the inside I was freaking out. 

"Hands behind your head." He spoke with a strict and collected tone. I listened to him so he hopefully wouldn't shoot me. 

"Aspen you need to look at me," I said louder. He peeked slightly over the sight of the gun and into my eyes. "Baby it's me. Your wife. You're home, Aspen. You're here with us, with me and Miracle. But you need to be here with us mentally too. It's me, baby..." I told him as I stood up, keeping my eyes locked on his. I watched his fists quickly loosen as he stood up. His mouth opened slightly realizing where he was and what he was doing. "It's me..." I uttered as I walked over to him. Relief flooding my veins. He quickly turned and wrapped his arms tightly around me. 

"I-I'm so sorry..." He began to sob in my neck. 

"Babe it's okay. It's okay. I'm here for you. But I need you to do something for me." I said stroking his hair. He pulled away slightly looking at me.  

"Anything." He promised. 

"See a therapist. I'll be with you every step of the way." 

~

And he did. Aspen went to daily meetings with a therapist and I even tagged along with most of them. I heard him talk about all the things he saw in the war, and after he had been captured. I heard of everything the terrorists did to him. He remembered every detail, every movement, and every word said at that time. It was crazy and horrible. The things he saw and felt... 

After another few months went by Aspen began to return to normal again. It was easy to be around him again, and easy to talk to him. He no longer went out in the garage, and he no longer had flashbacks during the days. But he still had horrible nightmares. The worst part was that no matter how much screaming and thrashing around he did, I couldn't wake him up. If I did he could potentially hurt someone. They say with some who has PTSD to just let them figure their way out of the nightmare on their own because if you don't they might wake up and think they're still in the war and get too defensive. 

Mira worries about it because it wakes her up sometimes too. I talked to her and told her that this is how her dad will get over the war. But I think she knows otherwise. 

Colton turned one two days ago, and we had a big party for him. he even got his own birthday cake which of course he threw all over himself. Which also caused him to get a sugar high and be crazy for the next three hours. He was able to walk on his own now and learned how to say, mama. I couldn't take his cuteness. He looked so much like Ross did when he was baby that you'd think it was him. 

Ross had Colton now most of the nights due to Aspen's sleeping issue. But I had Colton during the days so it made up for it I guess. I still felt an emptiness when I went to tuck in only one kid. I missed my baby, and I wanted him back in my home. It was very stressful dealing with all of this, but we stuck it out. 

"I'm going to stay at a motel for a few nights," Aspen said as he lugged a bag down the steps and to the door. 

"What Aspen? No. Why?" I wondered as I quickly walked over to him. Ross was over and currently sitting on the couch with Colton on his lap. Mira was out with Rydel for the day. Kota was asleep on his bed in the corner and Milo was eating a banana at a chair in the dining room. 

"I'm putting too much stress on everyone. For God sake, you don't even sleep anymore just to get up and take care of the kids. You're wearing yourself out with everything you're doing for me and them. Mira is even stressed, and I don't think she's getting enough sleep either. I mean you can't even have Colton sleep in the same house as me anymore. I'm putting too much stress on this family. You all need a break from me, just face it. I'm a bomb that's bound to blow up any day now. You know it too. You're afraid of it, I can see it." Aspen ranted and ran his fingers through his hair. I was at loss for words. I couldn't even deny it... He was stressing us out but that's only because we worried deeply for him. And he was right... I was afraid he would blow up any day. I was afraid he might hurt one of us even. But I also knew that his love for us was stronger than his fears. 

"Aspen no. Listen to me." I paused; grabbing his arm and staring into his blue eyes. "You're right. We are stressed. But that's not because of you. We're stressed because we're worrying about you and wanting to help you. You'll get past this, you always do. Yes, I'll admit I'm a bit worried you might blow up one day, but you know what. I know that your love for us is so much stronger than your fears, and I know that will help keep you grounded. You need us, and we need you. So you're not walking out to fix this alone. Were in this together and I'll be damned to let you face this on your own." I spoke with a calm and careful tone, but also a harsh and determined one. He knew I was right; which is exactly why he lugged his bag back upstairs without another word.