2. Xavier Alan Phoebe {bxb}

CHAPTER 26✓

Xavier Alan

Mostly,things were what I would call normal but then again,my previous normal was staying in my dance studio and blocking the world out,then on occasion,go out to practice with Theodore and be a big baby about it and stubbornly leave.

This time, I had breakfast every morning with everyone. I hung out with a few teens in the pack. I went to school everyday,which is saying something cause usually I didn't, well,not consecutively. I was very behind too.

Danielle offered to help me catch up and with her help, I discovered that I'm actually very good at chemistry,who knew? I was practising hand to hand combat with the pack who,even though its been a week, was still awkward around me but better than before.

It felt like I was a new member.

Either way, normal,and Christian. Oh,sweet sweet Christian was leaving today to finally take his place in the army. It was sad to let him leave but, I had to,its my own fault he signed up,and he couldn't not go just because I'd decided to give us a try.

He kissed me with fierce passion, it felt like a claim because everyone was watching and I loved it. My heart scored and fell all at once.

"I'll call you when I can." He smiled and his lips,wet with saliva touched my nose. I laughed and pushed him away to wipe off the saliva from my nose. "I love you." He said honestly.

"I love you too." I told him just as truthful.

An arm came over my shoulder and I turned to see Danielle smiling and waving at Christian.

"You know," she began, her hazel blue eyes sparkling as she pulled me closer. "I know it's hard, but I hope one day we can be as when we were kids."

"You mean, me following you guys around and being grumpy but also glad to be there?"

"Exactly!" She beamed. "remember when I pulled you out from the trees to give Claude a hug? You were glad I did that even if you scowled." I scowled at her and she pat my shoulder pointing. "See, like that!"

I felt a flicker of a smile and rolled my eyes. "That's easier said than done."

"Hey," I had begun walk-in towards the pack house, intending to get to my dance studio and just exist there. "Don't just look at the world through a lens of hurt. Some times," she pursed her lips, "sometimes you think one thing but you're only seeing what you think you should be seeing."

My brows furrowed in question, wondering what she meant and also keeping it in mind. Sometimes you think one thing... I stared at the ground, but you're only seeing what you think you should be seeing.

I danced thinking about a lot of things, my life, who I was, who I believed myself to be and all I've done.

At some point I went to my window and I watched them, children playing and existing and being happy and I smiled shyly.  Nothing ever quiet happened the way one would want it too and sometimes even if it doesn't seem right you still want things a certain way.

I pondered what I wanted and it all boiled down to one man. In my moment alone like always I finally recognised the feeling in my chest of loneliness and hoped against all odds of never have to feel it again.

It didn't take long for my siblings to find me. Danielle barged in like a queen, marching in and snoring followed by our equally dramatic brother, Travis, Trent and Kathryn were the only chill people. They had snacks and I wanted to smile but felt awkward more than anything.

"This is the part where we bombard you," Danielle said and clapped the floor suddenly littered with pillows.

"And force you to watch a movie with us."

"And enjoy it." Kathryn finished and Trent sent me a wink. I gapped at all of them.

I wanted their ability to move on, to push forward towards me constantly and I felt my eyes burn. "I'm so sorry." I found myself admitting to them as they sat. They fell silent then. "I'm so sorry."

A hand rubbed at my back as I brought my knees to my face and I cried for the longest time and they held me, wrapping around me, for a moment it felt like we were in the womb again, when it was simple and I chuckled.

"Are we all thinking about the womb?" Travis blurted out and we laughed and I joined in until my cheeks hurt and my heart ached and I was crying and laughing.

Later as the movie had finally been played and i wanted water and unlike Travis was rather more willing to get it that summon it, I walked the dark halls of the pack house alone. There was light coming from the darkness of the living room and hushed whispers.

"Daddy?" The little girl spoke softly. "Why do we hide from them?"

"Who?"

"The people, the ones who don't do what we do?"

"And what is it that we do?"

"You know, fight wolves and make thunder!"
There was a laugh I knew too well and I peaked over seeing Theo smiling down at his little girl, the youngest Mill, Winston was asleep beside them both. Marshal and Scoot too.

"Well, because they would be scared."

"Why?"

"Because we can do what they can't do and that makes them scared because they won't know how to defend themselves."

"Defend? Defend, defend." The little girl whispered it over and over as though trying to make it make sense to her.

"You know how your papa goes and sometimes fights other wolves?"

"Yes."

"We call that defending."

"Oh, so they won't know how to fight us back?"

"Yes."

"Then we are stronger!" The girl cheered holding her fist up in the air and beaming while I felt my eyes burn at watching the whole thing. "We fight them and they die!"

Theo laughed at Malika,bringing her down from her standing position on the couch to kiss her and coo at her while she giggled.

"But we don't fight them, okay? Because we don't hurt people who can't defend themselves." The little girl hummed in thought.

"We'll see." My brows rose at her response.

"Oh wow, this kid." Theo snorted bringing her into his arms with so much love and affection.

"What are you doing?" I jumped almost completely out of my skin and saw Danielle.

"You scared me."

"Because you're spying."

"Am not, this is a public space it is not spying, I was getting water."

"Not standing still you weren't."

She grinned at me. "Unbelievable." I turned to walk away from her. I looked with a sigh and found her eyes pure white as she smiles.

"Don't do it."

"What? Don't do what?"

"Whatever you do, don't do it."

A\N
4 November 2021