Clouded Soul

32 (part two)

"Babygirl why are you crying? What happened," she asked looking concerned.

The cries got stuck in my throat so I couldn't talk. I just clung onto her and sobbed. Somehow I just couldn't bring myself to calm down. It was my fault anyways. It always is right? I should've never kissed him and when he came in I should've left immediately.

Dominic will hate me!

I cried harder.

My throat felt like it was closing.

I shouldn't have even came down.

"Mercy, you're scaring me. I'm about to call Dominic or the ambulance or something. Come on, breathe baby, breathe."

She wiped my face and I tried taking deep breaths to calm down but I just cried out even louder. My whole body was shaking now and I was scared. What if I didn't calm down and what if she calls Dominic? He'd be so mad. I had to calm down somehow.

"Hey, look at me. You gotta calm down. I know it's hard but that's the only way I can help you. You gotta relax," Shauna said to me, caressing my head and giving me a gentle squeeze.

I nodded and it took me a while but I calmed down. Every now and then I'd hiccup and a tear would fall but I was calmed.

"What happened," she asked coddling me.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

Shauna sighed and tried again.

"You can trust me," she spoke, massaging my head.

I blew out some air and tried to prepare myself to speak up. The whole time she waited patiently for me. When I finally spoke, my voice was barely above a whisper.

"We were u-upstairs. I-I-I didn't know...b-but he... N-Now I'm just...I don't know. I just don't want Dominic to know. He...he would hate me," I confess.

"Mercy...what do you mean? Who?"

I paused and big my lip.

"M-Marcus...Marcus raped me," I say.

She didn't say or do anything or a good minute which made me feel uneasy. Was she mad? Her silence caused me anxiety. All I wanted was for her to say something — anything. It was killing me. But then I heard her — her voice cracking and soft, "W-when did this happen?"

"After we finished eating. I-I should've just left or made him leave but I went rambling to him like a fool. Now...now D-Dominic won't ever want to talk to me a-a-again," I say and my voice starts cracking and more tears start falling.

"Oh no —Mercy, Dominic wouldn't ignore you! He cares too much. It's not your fault. How were you to know he'd hurt you? It's going to be okay. Trust me babygirl. Mama Shauna is going to handle it," she spoke kissing my forehead and holding me tightly.

...

Shauna made me some more food and sat with me. We watched movies and she basically comforted me. It wasn't easy letting the situation go. Even though we were kind of having fun, I still stressed over what'd happened.

"Shauna," I say quietly.

"Yes."

"Nobody will find out right — not even the police," I ask averting my eyes.

"Mercy — ok babygirl ," she said reluctantly.

Just as we started watching the movie again, Dominic slipped inside the house. When he saw me and Shauna, he came and plopped down beside me offering a smile.

"You good Ma," he asks in a quiet voice.

I nod my head and Shauna gets up off the couch, facing us. For a second I jumped because I needed to be around her. Dominic never hurt me before but I was scared. He would kiss me and touch me and make jokes. Honestly I wasn't ready to be around him

"Dominic leave Mercy alone. Be a friend not a freak," Shauna said as she walked off.

Dominic did his signature shrug. When he turned to me I held my head down in shame. Looking at him — like before — felt  impossible.

"Are you going to talk to me? Shit, if I did something, I'm sorry."

"No. I just...need to get some sleep," I lie, standing up.

"Mercy, Real life you need to tell me what's wrong. You've been acting weird and I feel like I did something," he said, grabbing my hand which began to tremble.

"I-I — it's not you. I don't even want to talk about it so please don't make me."

He stared at me questionably for a second and stood up.

"Okay," he kissed my forehead, "You're shaking — you cold or something." He was about to hand me his jacket but I shook my head. He was being really nice and I felt unworthy. I buried my face in his chest and wrapped my arms around his torso.

"Alright we can go cuddle upstairs. I'll just shower really quick and then we can talk about whatever shit you want."

I nod my head and follow him upstairs. My legs were still sore and I guess Dominic took notice to me pimp walking because the next thing I know, he's carrying me up the rest of the stairs and into the bedroom. Only did he put me down when we reached the bed.

"Dom...can I a-ask you something," I ask nervously.

"You just did but go ahead, Ma," he answered.

I hesitated trying to think of the right way to hypothetically ask him this.

"Okay...hypothetically speaking if I had sex with someone else right now would you be mad," I ask.

"Hell yeah. We're together. Shit that's disrespectful," he said flaring his nose.

"But what if it was like rape or something — hypothetically," I say looking back down.

"Well then no. Shit, if something like that ever happens to you Mercy, yo ass better tell me. Why you asking anyways," he asked getting suspicious.

I froze for a minute and watched him before giving up. He'd find out sooner or later...