Clouded Soul

31

I sat next to Dominic and China as we ate. Isaiah sat across from me but he never looked up at me. If you ask me, the seating was not good. I was way close to the two sitting beside me and I felt Marcus's eyes on me the whole time.

"Wow, Mama Shauna really outdid herself this year," Rena said as Shauna walked in.

"Thanks Rena. Dominic and Mercy helped too," she said as she grabbed her cup from the counter.

Half of a second, that's how quick I saw her facial expression change from chipper to disgust. It was like at the very mention of my name it caused her to have some sort of mental conniption. Her face would contort into the ugliest snare which took away from the small amount of beauty she held.

"I'll be in my room everyone. Call me if you need me," Shauna said dipping back out.

I wanted to ask her could I sit with her in her room and talk, but the courage to do so was microscopic.

They began talking as they ate but I stayed quiet the whole time. The atmosphere was joyous but it was all just so surreal. Despite all the happy buddy buddy bullshit, I knew there was tension just beneath the surface. It was Marcus and Isaiah.

This was most likely my 5th time looking up catching Marcus staring at me intently and honestly I wasn't getting a good feeling from him. Silently, I vowed to not look up at him anymore and to just enjoy the food. That's exactly what I did.

"Ma, you good," Dominic asked, placing his hand on my thigh.

I nod my head and smile trying to convince myself more than him. He shrugged but didn't move his hand. It started to get uncomfortable seeing as his hand was way to close to the southern border and all that body heat was doing something to me.

"How's living here been," Isaiah asked, his question clearly directed at me.

I finished chewing and placed a napkin over my mouth before speaking.

"It's been good I guess. How's...your life been," I asked forking around my plate.

"Good." He looked up at me. Although he had said it was good, I could tell it wasn't. Part of me wanted to ask if he was really okay and if I could help, but then I remembered how I was a hoe and shouldn't even be talking to such a hypocrite. Obviously I couldn't let it go.

I felt Dominic start rubbing my thigh. Biting my lip, I looked down and grabbed his hand, giving it a tight squeeze. It was unclear if he'd gotten the message I was trying to get across or not but he pulled his hand back.

"You know I'm thankful for all of y'all," Kavonte randomly said and then looked at me, winking, "Even you Mercy."

China rolled her eyes at Kavonte and I half smiled.

"I'm thankful for this food Shauna and Dominic cooked," Rena said staring at Dominic lustfully.

I narrowed my eyes a bit and grabbed Dominic's hand, placing it on my thigh again. He chuckled a bit and Isaiah went next.

"I'm also thankful for everyone and the food."

It went to China and then stopped at me and for a second I hesitated.

"I...um am thankful for all of you, the food, and for Shauna and Dominic for taking care of me," I say causing China to awe and everyone else to nod their heads in agreement.

"Well I'm thankful for everyone. This food don't mean shit because honestly I eat like this all the time," he said causing us to laugh, "Special thanks goes out to the new house guest, Mercy."

My face grew a little hot and I felt his hand gripping my thigh and rubbing it as his finished the last part. Then it goes to Marcus — the last one.

"I'm thankful for everything you all said. This isn't a reason I'm thankful but I feel like everyone ought to hear this," he paused to stare at me, "All of you guys are the best and I love you — no homo."

We all clapped and smiled, except me. I finished my food and got up. Dominic's hand dropped from my thigh and he turned to look at me.

"You going upstairs," he asked before taking my plate from me.

I shake my head even though I really was.

"Good because we all gon chill together," he said as he got up.

I nodded and walked into the living room with China and Rena following closely behind. When I sat down China immediately began questioning me.

"Oh my gosh! Are you and Dominic together? You two would be hella cute! I saw the whole thigh thing," she fangirled quietly.

"Um..."

"Don't be silly China. Dominic doesn't date girls — he fucks them," Rena said sitting beside us.

Naturally, I rolled my eyes and she just happened to see me. Just like before she caught the nastiest attitude I've ever seen.

"What? You think Dominic really likes you? He just wants to get in your pants and then he's done with you. That's how he did me," Rena said.

My chest tightened and I was almost ready to do her like I did the lady at the desk but instead I got up and stormed upstairs. I want to mess up everyone else's Thanksgiving day.

When I got in Dominic's bathroom, I shut the door and angrily started cleaning up. Rena made me so mad — I couldn't even angrily clean so I started crying and clenching my fists tightly. My nails dug so deep in my hands that they left small indents in my palms.

The door to the bathroom opened and I expected it to be Dominic but I was surprised when I turned around.