everything, everthing

finally

❁

he isn't in his normal position today. farkle stands near the window and slaps the black rubber band around his wrist.

i stand at the doorway, our eyes staring straight at each other. does he feel the same urgency as i do? does he want to come close and breathe the same air as me?

i stay put for awhile, wondering if i should move or stay. i could go to his usually spot or i could stay right here. it's a comfy doorway. i could tell him we don't have much luck since i'm sick.

"i think red is your color," he says.

i'm wearing one of the many new articles of clothing that i purchased. a clean red off the shoulder top paired with black jeans.

"thanks," i feel my face getting hot and the butterflies moving around.

"should i move?" the rubber band is now around his index finger and thumb.

"i'm not sure,"

he nods and then rises from his spot.

"actually, no wait," i insist while i walk over to the window area and take a seat on the bench, only a foot away from him.

farkle let's his shoulders relax, releasing a tension i didn't even notice. the rubber band slaps on his wrist and i wince.

next to him, i place my legs up and near my head making myself even smaller than my five foot frame.

he sits next to me and places his hand out in the open.

all of the hesitation disappears and i slip my hand to his. our fingers slide into positions as if we already have done this before. the distance is gone.

did he move? did i move?

now with no space, we sit next to each other. my shoulder touching his upper arm, thigh against thigh and i could hear his breathing. he glides his thumb on my hand and traces a path. my skin shivers and each single cell seems to jump in delight. do normal healthy people feel this way when this happens? how do they contain themselves? how do they keep themselves from touching each other?

he caresses my cheek with his warm hand, asking a silent question. i answer my closing the little space we have left. did i move? did he move?

my lips are against his soft ones, making the butterflies dance in my stomach. my eyes close on their own and we kiss. the warmth and comfort are what the romantic comedies were right about. he pulls away and i feel empty. am i doing this wrong? my eyes meet his electric blue ones and we look. he kisses me like he's afraid it will end and afraid to continue. my hand touches his neck and wraps around instinctively.

he squeezes my hand in reassurance and we part. the passion and love was undeniable and anyone could have seen that. he tasted of peppermint and sunsets. or of what i think peppermint and sunsets would taste like. he tastes like something i've never experienced, an idea like hope or faith.

our foreheads lean together as we catch our breath. his breath is sweet almost, and the kind that makes you crave for more.

"is it always like that?" i ask breathlessly.

"may," i shiver at the way he says my name. "it's never like that."

and finally, i know i'm in love.

❁