everything, everthing

boys come and go

❁

"your mom wants to know if i've noticed anything different about you lately," shawn says from the kitchen. he enters the living room and sits across from me.

i'm watching the latest spiderman movie, the one with tom holland. i'm at the part when his best friend figures out he's spiderman.

shawn repeats himself but a little louder.

"what did you tell her?" i ask. i don't take my eyes off the screen but i can still feel shawn's eyes on me. damn, tom holland is good looking.

he grabs the remote and pauses the scene, tossing it on the coffee table. i silently curse in my head.

"what's up," i yell at myself internally for ignoring him.

"you and that boy,"

"what do you mean?" my head can't seem to fully grasp anything he's saying.

"i knew it was a mistake to let you two meet," he mutters under his breath. its still loud enough for me to hear though.

those few words got my full attention and i could feel my fingers slightly shaking.

"what did mom say?"

"did you cancel movie night with her?"

my head immediately sinks and i nod. i just couldn't wait to message farkle. i couldn't wait until nine to talk to him or make him laugh. i thought shawn out of most people would understand.

"and she thinks you're always distracted. you almost let her turn on one of her favorite country records the other day."

oh.

"does she suspect?"

"that's what you're worried about? listen maya, your mom misses you. she misses hanging out with her only child and is lonely without you. you should have seen her face when she was talking to me,"

"i know, i just -"

"no," shawn's voice is stern and firm. he sighs slightly before finishing his sentence. "you can't see him anymore," he picks up the remote and looks anywhere but at me.

my heart sinks. suddenly my pulse begins racing and my face feels hot. "no shawn, please don't take him away from me!"

"he's not yours,"

"i get that, it's just-"

"no you don't understand maya. he's not yours. maybe he is now and he has time for you now, but when the winter term starts in school, he will be busy. he'll meet some other girl and he'll be her farkle."

my fingers start digging into the skin of my palms and the pain doesn't strike me.

"spend some time with your mother," shawn breathes. "boys come and go, but mothers are forever."

"i understand," i reply. my voice is smaller than i anticipated but my heart aches.

shawn hands me the remote back and we watch the frozen screen for a few seconds. he then starts his way over to the kitchen again.

"do you believe it?" i suddenly ask. "that love won't kill me?"

"yes but it can kill your mom," shawn smiles weakly and walks away.

i turn off the tv and peter parker disappears.

-

away in the music room i sit on the wooden bench that lies in front of the piano. my fingers slide against its smooth wood surface and i play a few chords.

a couple of knocks are heard from the door and shawn appears with a peace offering, toast. a favorite of mine.

he places the tray on the marble table that sits on the opposite end of the room and shawn scoots next to me.

"you know i didn't mean that,"

"what?"

"you can still see that boy, just spend some time with your mother. she misses you so much dear," he pulls me in and gives me a hug. one of the few people i can embrace.

"i promise," i say. just the thought of being able to see farkle again makes my heart flutter. shawn's words makes me realize that my heart like an muscle, can hurt.

❁