everything, everthing

just leave

❁

i almost fall asleep when i hear the door creak open. a light breaks through and a figure enters my room. a shadow casts over my beatles poster and i close my eyes, pretending to be asleep.

mom approaches my bed, sitting down next me. she strokes my hair whispering words i can barely hear.

"oh maya, if you only knew why,"

knew what. what was she keeping from me? what could my mom possibly keep from me?

she bends down a little more to kiss my forehead like when i was little and i let her. i can hear her say i love you and listen to the door shut. my eyes flutter open and adjust to the dark light. there on my night stand is a black rubber band.

she knows.

-

i wake up to yelling in the house.

shit.

i creep down the stairs and watch from a small space on the stairs, too secluded for them to see me. mom and shawn are arguing with each other. i don't think i've ever heard mom with her voice raised like this.

"how could you let some stranger into the house?" mom yells. i don't think she realizes that i could have heard.

"she needs to live, katy!" shawn says. he doesn't yell like mom does, maybe for my benefit. i can't let shawn get blamed for my mistakes and i fly down the stairs and straight into shawn's arms.

he takes a look at my face and studies it.

"she isn't sick," he reassures.

mom scoffs. "how do you know, i can't even trust you anymore," her arms are folded and her small figure somehow seems bigger than shawn's.

"katy, i've practiced medicine for ten years, i know," he replies back. "what even happened to you,"

"she went outside. because of him," mom says. her voice hold disappointment and anger all in one. she takes a deep breathe before saying, you're fired.

those words hit like a ton of bricks. my whole world was crumbing down. my support system is leaving me?

"no, mom please," i beg.

"it's your fault to maya," mom says sternly. "you can pack your things and then leave shawn," he just nods and begins his way upstairs.

"it won't happen again," i try to convince.

"you're right, it won't happen again,"

the next half hour mom and i watch shawn pack. he has his clipboards in almost every home. i gave up on wiping my tears, as they kept spilling out.

i hand him my vinyl of let it be by the beatles. he smiles softly.

"isn't this you're favorite?" he grins at me.

"so were you," i choke out.

we hug one last time before shawn leaves.

"katy, i just w-" shawn starts.

"just leave, shawn," i know this is hard for mom too. she's sending away the man she loves, the man that glued our family back together. he's gone.

-

groupchat: fuck this shit im out
messages between smiley, luc-ass, and papaya

papaya
i went outside and shawn is fired

smiley
hold the fuck up

luc-ass
PAPAYA
WHEN WE NAMED THIS CHAT
FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT
WE DIDNT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD FUCK THAT SHIT AND GO OUT

papaya
great pep talk ranger rick

smiley
and shawn is gone?

smiley
my dad's gonna freak

papaya
oh shit i haven't even thought about that

luc-ass
why did he get fired

luc-ass
did your mom find out

papaya
yeah.

smiley
why did you go out peaches

papaya
farkle's dad was hurting him and i couldn't watch it happen

papaya
i like him too much

luc-ass
you don't like him

smiley
you love him

❁