ROGUE

80 : You Matter To Me

Your POV

"He stabbed me in my hip." Jason explained as he drove back home, his hands clenching around the wheel uncomfortably. "He was having an affair with my mom, and I found out on my fourteenth birthday, and I told my dad the moment I realised what was going on. Then later that day, I was in hospital practically fighting for my life. I don't know how I survived it, and I don't know why my parents stayed together after it either."
He let out a long sigh whilst I listened carefully.
"I know you were just trying to stand up for me Y/n, but confronting the wrong people is gonna get you hurt. I don't want you to do anything like that again. I can take care of myself."

"I didn't like the way he spoke to you." I admitted, wringing my hands. "I love you, Jason, and I didn't want to listen to the things he was saying to you. It was unnecessary."

"Right," He muttered, shaking his head. "And what would you have done if he pulled out a knife and stabbed you as well? Did you think about that?"

I sucked in a sharp breath and waited a moment before replying.
"Well it wouldn't have mattered."

He glanced at me in some sort of disbelief, clearly taking my words the wrong way.
Pain flickered in his eyes, and all the hurt that he was trying to hide all day built up and stained his beautiful features.
Half a minute must've passed before he spoke, and his voice was almost unrecognisable.
He sounded broken.
"Why would you say that to me, Y/n?"

"I didn't mean - "

"You don't think it would matter if you died?" He whispered, shaking his head. "Do you not think it would fucking tear me apart?"

I held my breath. "Jason, listen to me - "

"No, you listen to me, Y/n." His voice rose and his hands tightened around the wheel. "Don't ever fucking say anything like that again. The last thing we need right now is to be talking about shit like this, and I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you speaking about how it wouldn't matter, because it would. It would matter to me."

Tears pricked the back of my eyes and my heart ached. "I didn't mean to upset you." I whispered, pressing the heels of my hands against my eyes to keep myself from crying. "I'm sorry."

But sorry didn't erase my words.

"Whatever, Y/n." He snapped. "You shouldn't have said it. That's what you call unnecessary."

"I'm hurting Jason," I looked at him through the blur of a glossy sheen. "Neither of us can keep acting like everything's okay because it's not. It's not fucking okay."

The moment I finished my sentence, Jason exploded.

"Then maybe we should fucking pull ourselves together." He slammed his hands down onto the wheel, causing the car to swerve slightly and my chest tightened in a sudden fear. "How about we look at it like this; Samantha was never born, so we shouldn't grieve over her. All we need to do is forget she ever happened and get on with our goddamn lives. She's gone, Y/n, and no amount of tears will bring her back."

My mouth fell open.

At first, I couldn't work out if Jason's words were just heard in my imagination, or if he was actually that heartless to say something so low and hurtful. When I realised it was true, salty tears spilled from my eyes and I made no effort to stop them.
"How dare you?" I whispered, barely able to choke out my words.
Jason's jaw clenched tightly, and his pained stare didn't budge from the hardly busy road.
He didn't say anything, which only seemed to provoke me even more.
"She was your daughter as well, Jason," I cried, unable to stop my body from quivering. "Does that not mean anything to you?"

"Of course it fucking means something to me, Y/n." He hissed, before guiding the car over to a nearby emergency refuge area, where he suddenly stopped completely and rubbed his hands over his face. "But I won't lose you just because I lost her... I can't let that happen," I watched an escaped tear run down his cheek, and my delicate heart had no choice but continue to accept the torture. "I won't let that happen."

I bit the inside of my cheeks and stared up, trying my best to control my crying.
"You won't lose me." I whimpered, gripping onto the leather seat beneath me. "As long as I won't lose you."

Jason glanced over at me, and for the first time, I actually saw the deterioration and the pain that he was experiencing. After a long moment, he shook his head and began sobbing silently. "I'm sorry, Y/n." He choked out, unable to find any other words. "I'm sorry this is how everything turned out."

I mewled quietly, before reaching out and gently resting my hand on his quivering shoulder. "We're gonna be alright." I nodded, trying my best to convince us both. "I know we will be."

Jason pressed his head down onto the steering wheel and sucked in his cheeks to try and control his shuddering breaths.
His next words tore me apart in ways I had never even experienced before.

"This is killing me, Y/n." He spluttered, shaking his head.
"And I'm scared it's gonna kill us as well."

My throat tightened, and I struggled to spit out my hardly-believable words.
"It won't."

But the thing was frightened me most was the truth.

Because the truth was that I was breaking.

Jason was breaking.

Our relationship was breaking.

And our future...

Our future was completely unknown.

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THE END

KEEP READING FOR THE THIRD PART

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OF COURSE I WASN'T JUST GONNA END IT I JUST WANTED TO MAKE ANOTHER TRAILER AHAHA

turns out this book is gonna be a trilogy lol

btw the third part won't be as long as the first and second

(IT WILL START TOMORROW !!!)

THANKS FOR READING ILY