Shattered Heart

Part 26 ~ The Fault In Our Stars

. . . . .

"Mom . . can I ask you something? . . but you have to promise me you won't freak out, because it doesn't mean anything . . ok? . . what I'm about to tell you doesn't mean a thing, ok?"

"Pour your heart out, honey" She says, waiting impatiently for me to tell her my problem. I kinda feel the need to let her know about the thing with Chris . . if there's someone I can really talk to, it's my mother.

I just hope she won't make a big deal out of it.

"Mom . . . promise me you won't freak out"

"Honey, I won't freak out . . will you please just tell me?"

. . . . .

"Mom . . Chris and I . . we . . kinda kissed each other"

She gasps. "You two kissed? . . like . . a real kiss??"

"Yea . . and umm . . I kinda . . I don't know . . I'm not in love with him, ok?! . . don't get me wrong . . I don't love him or whatever . . but . . I'm feeling kinda weird around him"

"You're feeling weird around him? . . what do you mean?"

"I don't know . . I . . I feel weird around him . . like, different . . it's so weird now when we're hanging out, you know? . . I like him . . he's my best friend . . and at the same time I kinda care about him more than I should . . you know what I mean?"

"Awww . . I think that you're developing feelings for Chris, honey"

"NO! . . no, I'm not, mom! . . now please erase that through out of your mind, ok?!"

"Honey! . . you just admitted it! . . you care about him more than you should . . in my book that means someone is developing feelings . . and that's ok, you hear me? . . it's perfectly ok if you feel that way"

"No, mom! . . it's not perfectly ok! . . I'm a guy . . he's a guy . . it's not possible! and by the way, I do not WANT to be with Chris . . I'm with Jordyn . . I'm with her!"

"Honey . . . are you with Jordyn because you wanna be with her . . or are you with Jordyn because you don't want people to suspect about you and Chris?"

"THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON WITH CHRIS AND I . . ok??"

"Ok, honey . . . I believe you . . . but think about what I just said, ok? . . at the end of the day, you're the only person who knows what's really going on . . don't lie to yourself . . it will only make you crazy"

. . . . .

"Believe me, mom . . I'm already going crazy"

. . . . .

"When you kissed Chris . . what did you feel, honey?"

"I don't know . . how should I know??"

"Well . . what did you feel? . . how did it feel, kissing Chris?"

"Mom . . this is too freakin' weird . . I can't talk to you about this"

"Come on, honey . . you already started . . we might as well finish this conversation. . I'm sure it will make you feel a lot better if you told me"

"Mom . . I don't know, ok? . . the kisses just happen out of nowhere . . I'm not feeling anything when kissing him . . it just happens . . I don't know how to feel about it and that's my problem . . why don't I know?"

"You're confused, honey . . ."

"Yea, I am . . . I really, really like Jordyn . . but when I'm with her, all I think about is Chris . . and when I'm with Chris, all I think about is Jordyn"