Shattered Heart

Part 15 ~ Way Too Far

~ Jordyn's point of view ~ 

I just couldn't stay at the dance. 

I feel bad for leaving Michael there without telling him . . but when I saw Keisha, I knew it was over. It was over for me already when Justin came . . but when Keisha came, I felt like that was a sign from god . . to get the hell out of there.

I knew Michael was distracted by her. I could sense it so well. I saw the way he looked at her. . . and . . the kiss they shared . . it destroyed everything in me. This night was supposed to be my night! . .  I guess that didn't work out so well. 

I hope Michael is not going to be too mad at me for leaving. 

I hope he'll understand. 

I guess god just doesn't want me to be happy. I'm not meant to be happy. Michael and I were so close. So close to one another! . . he kissed me . . we could not haven gotten any closer tonight . .  I wipe the tears from my eyes. I'm sitting on my bed wondering why all the bad stuff always has to happen to me . . why can't I be happy? . . just for once? 

Here I am, drowning in self-pity again. 

Don't I deserve to be happy, too? I'm going through enough shit already . . this night was a chance for me to be like everybody else for a change . . to feel liked . . and loved . . but no . . not for me . . not for Jordyn . . of course not . . who am I, right? 

I'm not worthy of love.

Sadness, hate and the strong feeling of regret are weighing on me. I love Michael . . I love him with all my heart . . why did Keisha have to kiss him in front of me? . . now I can't get the picture of them kissing out of my head. 

I hope that Michael and Keisha aren't dancing right now . .  I hope Michael didn't ask her to sit with him . . but it's my fault for leaving . . if he does ask her to sit down and ask her to dance with him, who am I to stop it? Michael is not my boyfriend . . he can do whatever he wants.

God . . the way Keisha grabbed Michael's face . . the way she kissed him . . you could tell that they have kissed at least a thousand times before . . I knew right then and there, those two are still in love with each other. 

Why am I even in love with someone like Michael? . . why did I have to fall in love with the cutest guy in school?? . . I will never be with him . . not in a million years . . I'm so damn stupid. He asked me to the dance because he felt bad for me. I bet that's the only reason why he wanted to be my date. 

Because he felt sorry for me. 

But I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I feel sorry enough for myself already. I don't need this. I should've never went to the dance. I should've just stayed home and watched TV. My door opens. mom walks in "What are you doing home already? is everything ok??"

"No, its not . . but I don't wanna talk about it, mom" She walks into my room and closes the door behind her. "Come on, pumpkin . . you know you always feel better when you talk to me"

"No, mom . . this time words aren't going to make me feel better!! . . I just wanna be alone!!"

~ Michael's point of view ~

Chris and I are still ou there on my porch. I'm completely out of words. Chris just confessed that he might be in love with me. This is crazy. How did I not know all this time? this has been going on for weeks and I had no idea . . not even the slightest.