Shattered Heart

Part 7 ~ A Thousand Thoughts

~ Jordyn's point of view ~

I'm walking down the street, looking at all the beautiful trees and houses. I love nature so much. Nature gives me the feeling that everything's ok. Whenever I hear birds singing, I forget all my problems for a moment. I sit down on a lonely bench in the park and look up at the sky.

Why is life so complicated? . . why do we cry when we feel sad? what are tears for? . . why do I feel so much pain in my heart sometimes? I look down at my arm and touch the wound lightly with my thumb.

I'm so in love.

I feel my heart pounding like crazy whenever I think about Michael. His gorgeous face is burned into my brain. No matter how hard I try to stop thinking about him . . I fail every time. I find myself falling in love with him more each day. I know that's ridiculous . . but that's how I feel.

Look at him . . and look at me.

He is perfect from head to toe . . and his personality is flawless, too. There is nothing wrong with him . . simply nothing. I like everything about this guy . . but he's taken . . why can't I let go? I will never get a chance to be with him . . I'm waisting my time.

Why would he give even me a chance? I may be a nice person but I'm ugly on the outside. I'm too fat for love . . I'm too fat for Michael. He will never find me attractive. I have to lose weight and become skinny like all the other girls if I want him to notice me . . maybe then I'll have a chance.

Beautiful boys like Michael don't fall in love with fat girls like me.

They fall in love with the pretty ones . . the perfect ones.

I look across the park . . I see all kinds of people here . . young people, old people, skinny people, chubby people. I see a gorgeous woman standing by the ice cream truck. . she's wearing a beautiful dress . . her hair is in a beautiful messy bun . . and her body is just perfect.

I wish I looked like that.

Why can't I wear dresses like that? I wanna be pretty, too. I wanna wear a beautiful dress and win Michael's attention. With my figure now I will never even get a second look from him. I wish so bad that one day I can be as pretty as all the other girls in school.

Like Keisha, for example. Her figure is perfection. She's skinny and she always wears gorgeous clothes. I'm not surprised why she is Michael's girlfriend. They are perfect for one another . . and I guess I should be happy for them.

I really should.

As much as I'm wishing to be with Michael, to be loved by him, to be HIS girl . . the wish for Michael to be happy is much, much stronger. Michael's happiness is on the top of my list. Whatever is below that, is not as important to me. Not even I am important to me.

Michael comes first.

That's how much he means to me.

~ Michael's point of view ~

I just ran to the park. I sit down on a bench next to a huge tree and close my eyes for a few seconds. I'm totally out of breath from running so fast. I need to play basketball again . . I'm totally out of shape. I take off my jacket and put it next to me on the bench.

Looking up at the sky is so relaxing.

I might just fall asleep.

It's so nice.

A thousand thoughts are running through my mind. Why did Keisha leave me? why did she tell me all these things? . . a baby? . . she has lost her mind. Why so soon? . . I shake my head, thinking about the words she threw at me. She is crazy . . I can't be a father at 16.