a daydream away // moey fanfiction

25

“You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.” 

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(Meghan's POV.)

My hands flew up to my face in an effort to muffle my throaty cries. I pressed them into my cheeks and swept the tears off of them, but considering the rain was still pouring from the sky it did me no good.

I couldn't even process this situation. In front of me was the one person in my life that I actually had to build up the courage to tell them I love them. It hurt me to say it, which didn't seem right. How could such heartfelt and sincere words hurt so much to utter them for your lips? This feeling that bubbled in my stomach made me feel sick. 

Behind me was one of the people that I wondered why I even had to meet them in the first place. I guess that saying "everything happens for a reason" was true. It happened because your fucked up self deserved it. It's not like you were able to stop them. These harsh thoughts flashed through my mind as quick as the lightning that crackled in the sky, leaving me with more tears. I felt so pathetic. 

He, along with Luke and a few others, I can't quite remember, made these past few months a complete Hell. They imprinted this, voice, into my head that has never left. The things they were saying come back to revisit me in my dreams. It was torture.

He told me he wouldn't hurt me, but he did. The rest was thankfully a blur. I shook my head, more tears tumbling down my cheeks as I squinted my eyes. I flipped my head around to look back at Joey. 

Because I fucking love you. 

His words replayed over and over in my head. No matter how many times he told me this, or even hinted it to me, it will still take my breath away. Why?

If he loved me so much, why did he wait until after this whole thing happened to finally tell me?

Sure, he's told me before, when we were younger. We were teenagers back then, so naive and ignorant, we hadn't a single clue what the fuck love even was. Back then, I thought he just meant it as a "hey, I love you, I'll always be there for you because you're my best friend."

To be completely honest, I still couldn't fully grasp its meaning. The dictionary definition is an intense feeling of deep affection. That alone could mean so many things, and I had just told Joey earlier that exact definition. As I stood there, I thought really hard as to whether or not I meant it in the way Joey probably thought I meant it. Come to think of it, I don't even know what I meant.

What I felt walking into this hospital today was most definitely intense. It hit me so hard from the second my sneaker made contact with the tile floor. I was going to tell Joey I loved him. 

I don't know what came over me or when I decided I was going to do it. My mind went back to when I was sitting on my front porch, locked out of my house, crying and blubbering uncontrollably.

Surprisingly, I don't think I had a good enough reason to. Mark came into my life hoping he would stay, hoping he could fix something he didn't even know was broken.

I give him props for trying, but I just couldn't do it. Why did he pick me? A depressing, mind-all-over-the-place confused and lost 26 year old? That will never make sense to me. Nothing seemed to make sense right now, I didn't know the reason to so many things. What will make sense to me was the reason he finally said goodbye: I opened up to him, and he couldn't handle that. Everyone leaves you.

I sat there, on my porch for such a long time just crying and crying. I had no idea where David had went, and I myself didn't know where to go. That's when Cat texted me. I will never forget the feeling that took over my heart when I read the words Joey and hospital together.