a daydream away // moey fanfiction

12

“And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time.” 

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(Joey's POV.)

My hand was placed against her chest, her small fingers gripping at my skin, her body temperature radiated through me. I exhaled as I felt her thudding heartbeat. It was almost as if our hearts were in sync, beating as one: one big, flustered, confused, mess. I was staring into her sparkling eyes when her voice engulfed my ears.

"I'm not sure how to feel about it," she whispered, her voice vibrating against my hand, "but mine is doing the same." She pressed her lips together and exhaled out her nostrils. I could tell immediately that she wished it wasn't. I could tell that she didn't want to feel whatever she was feeling for me. She didn't want this, but that wasn't the part that hurt the most. The part that hurt the most was the fact that I did. 

My eyes wandered from her eyes, down the trails of tears, they looked almost as if they had made their own distinct imprint in her skin, traveling straight from her eyes, spilling down, elongating her cheeks, and slipping off her softly chiseled chin. 

I blinked a few more tears away as I built up the courage. I knew what I was going to say would ruin this moment, it would rip the blissful wallpaper off the walls of our semi-repaired hearts.

"I have something to ask you." 

She nodded slightly, obviously jittered by the nerves. 

"Before any of this happened," I started, motioning between the space that was now between us, like she had earlier, "did you ever, even once, keep something from me? Something big?" I eased. I tried to make it sound as vague as possible, as I wanted the full truth behind our so called "friendship" if there even was one. 

"Of course." She mumbled, clearly taken aback by my subtle accusation that she had done just that. 

"Then why did-" I was interrupted by 3 swift knocks.

We both turned to face the door simultaneously. 

"It's David." Meghan explained.

"He's here?!" I asked frantically, my thoughts raced as I realized he could have been listening to our whole conversation. I shifted my weight from one leg to the another as a wave of anxiety washed over me once again. 

"Yes. He was waiting outside though, I don't know why he wants to come in." She said in shock. 

"Don't let him in." I rushed, saying exactly what was on my mind instead of what I actually wanted to say. 

"Excuse me? He's my brother." She fought, shooting me daggers. 

"Yes I know but-"

"Meghan, are you okay?" His muffled voice made its way into the room. 

"Yes." She called back simply. She started walking toward where her jacket was sitting. 

"Wait, Meghan," I said quietly, but another knock on the door drowned out my voice. 

"Just wait a second!" She pleaded, slipping on her boots. As the back of her head was still in view, I decided it was again, now or never. 

"Why did you kiss Luke without telling me?" The words fell briskly from my shaky lips. 

"What the fuck...?" Her head spun around so her furrowed brow and squinted eyes were facing me. 

"Why would you think-"

"He told me. Straight to my face." 

She threw her hands up in what I thought was defeat but it was really preparation for a retort. 

"Now why would you believe him over me?" She tapped her hand against her chest. I felt my chest tense. I had to pick the right thing to say or this would fall a part before it was even fixed, but for some reason I just didn't believe her.

"You know what, forget it. Call me when you actually give a shit about what I have to say." Her voice lowered with each word before she turned back around and jogged for the door. 

"Meghan, wait," I tried following her but she ignored my pleads and flung the door open. I heard cries escape her mouth but I couldn't see her face so I could match them. David looked down at her face and over her shoulder to mine. He brought her in for a quick embrace before whispering something in her ear. She nodded and in the blink of an eye she was gone. 

I blew it. She was never coming back. The only chance I get, the one time that I'm finally able to try and put all the pieces back together, the whole puzzle gets shoved off the table and they scatter everywhere. I was about to dash away into my room when Davids voice filled my ears. 

"Wait one fucking minute." I heard him say through his teeth. 

I froze.

Shit.

"You think you can play my sister like a fucking guitar and then just walk away?" His words were so harsh, before any of this happened we were actually friends. Why the hell did he have to treat me like dirt? 

"No, I can never walk away from it." I turned around to meet his crumpled facial expression. 

"Looks like you are right now." He snapped. 

I was getting so worked up, if he said one more thing I was out of there. 

"Physically, yes, it's called moving your fucking feet. Emotionally, this whole ordeal will always be on my mind. I wake up every morning with a weight on my chest and an empty feeling in my heart because she's not in my life like she used to be anymore. I go to bed every night staring at the ceiling and the tears start to fall solely because I fucking miss her and I wish that the second I close my eyes it isn' visions of that night replaying over and fucking over again. If someone even mentions anything, anything in the whole entire world it will remind me of her. Just today when she came to my door, her hair was soaking wet. It reminded me of the first time that I told her straight up that I loved her. To this fucking day, I still don't know what I meant by "love". You can love your mom and never want to lose the women who put you on this earth. You can love a song, singing along to it every time you hear it, letting it plaster a smile on your face. You can love yourself, you can feel comfortable in your own skin and not give a single shit what people think. When it comes to Meghan, it's a different kind of love. She makes me feel like I'm worth something. She picked me up off the ground and helped me through my hardest times, and I did the same. She was my rock, the first person I would call if something was wrong. The only person that I would stay up all night  for, helping her through tears that were shed. I would hold her shaking body until it was replaced with the consistent beat of her heart. That was taken away from me and now I feel like nothing. I feel like trash, and what hurts the most is that no matter what I do, I'll never have what we had before again." 

David was staring straight into my eyes the whole time I spoke. When I finished, the tears were flowing uncontrollably, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I didn't inhale the whole time, because I knew I would lose my train of words and start bawling like an idiot if I did.

I had zero, absolutely zero idea why I said anything but it felt amazing to let something off my chest. What David said next, unfortunately, put the weight back on. 

"You never even 'had' what you had before. If you did have something, you wouldn't have agreed to make a bet that you could fucking sleep with her and throw that whole "friendship" away. And how could you? You have no fucking idea what happened with her and Luke and I hope you never fucking do. I never want you to see her again to try and figure it out either." His words were laced with pure animosity, they stung me like a slash to the stomach, opening a huge wound that would never fully heal, even in a million years. 

He was right. 

I didn't deserve Meghan. 

I didn't deserve anything.