a daydream away // moey fanfiction

14

"I'm drawn to you, like how the stars are drawn to the moon."

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(Joey's POV.)

It's been 6 - and counting - hours since she left me, again. She had closed the door on me, and I had to stand there and listen to the lock click together. I had to stare at it, in complete denial that she wasn't going to open it again and run into my arms. Things were different now. They couldn't be fixed with a single embrace. 

I knew this time it would be even harder, because no one could even begin to understand my attachment to Meghan, not even Meghan herself. David wasn't going to let me see her, which hurt me so much more. What happens when she's my last option? What happens when seeing her is the only thing I have left to keep me sane? I sure as hell knew my absolute breaking point would be soon.

I was running out of time. The more time I spent letting my thoughts destroy me, the less time I had before I was just another memory to her. The thought of her falling for someone else, someone's hands on her, violating her innocence, it pained me so much. That would mean I had completely left her mind, and even worse: she would have stopped wanting to try.

I knew the chances were slim to none, but no matter what I would still care. I didn't even deserve it, after all that I put her through. That didn't mean it didn't break my heart more severely every single night that I spent with the thought of her leaving my life for good whirling around in my head. 

I sat there, staring at the small red light indicating that the camera was recording. I looked away quickly, feeling the threatening tears.  I used a lot of my strength to help stop the blood that was pounding in my head. I was going to try so hard to put on a brave face for my subscribers. They were subscribed to me for a reason, to support me and my videos. I didn't want them all to see me falling a part like this. 

"Well hello there everyone!" I said. So far so good. I grabbed my water and took a quick swig to put the persistent lump in my throat at ease.

"It's been a while..." I trailed off. A while since I could see Meghan's face everyday without the chance of things blowing up in my face. A while since I could hug her tight, and she could hug back, placing her small hands on my shoulder blades and I could place mine gently on her lower back. A while since I felt her laugh vibrate against my neck as I lifted her up off the ground and spun her around. A while since I was happy.

"I just wanted to catch you guys up on what's been going on, because I've been more distant that I've wanted, so I'm going to make myself less distant." I started, clearing my throat.

"So, in the past few weeks, I will admit, I have not been myself." I eased. 

"A lot of things have happened, and I've gotten into a few," I paused, searching for the right word. "I guess arguments that ended badly." I slumped my tensed shoulders. 

"A few of these arguments resulted into words that were, exchanged, that obviously I wish weren't, but I guess everything just, you know, happens for a reason." I said, my voice cracking on 'reason.' Shit.

"Anyways, I've decided to take more of a formal break. I felt like you guys don't deserve this all of a sudden disappearance," I said, using air quotations. My arms fell onto my knees. I could myself losing it in. I gripped my knees.

"So I'm sorry." I finished. The tears were surfacing on my waterline. I couldn't do this. 

"It's just..." I trailed off. I was at a loss for words that could accurately describe my emotions. 

"When you love someone, and you think at first it's just the love you share because of friendship, you get caught off guard when you realize... It's more than just that." 

"It's like, you're not so much surprised, as you are hurt." My throat was tightening. A tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly. Everything was becoming blurry, but I didn't want stay trapped like this forever. 

"You're hurt because," I let out a silent cry.

"They were the reason you woke up with a smile and now they're the reason you wake up wishing you didn't. Wishing you could fall asleep and never have to wake up, where you can control your dreams. You can either decide to see nothing, feel nothing: complete darkness. Or,  you can make up your own ending to the story. The way you actually wanted things to play out. Instead, I get so lost in these, messed up thoughts, and I even start to scare myself. I've never been a violent person, but there are just so many overwhelming things that I've been put through all at once." The tears held no resistance, I watched in the view finder as they trailed down my wet cheeks.

"I'm not going to mention a single name, but I know that these people already know who they are. Please, whatever you do, do not bombard all the people in my life with questions. This isn't a joke. It's serious and I don't want you guys getting into their business."

"Hopefully with this break I'll be able to find the pieces. The pieces of the puzzle, the puzzle of my messed up life. May the odds be ever in your favor... Goodbye." I pressed my hand up against the camera lens. I let my head fall onto my outstretched arm as the tears silently made their way off my cheeks and onto the floor. 

"Why me?" I whispered. Why me...

---

(Meghan's POV.)

I was in a daze as my arm made its way up his shoulder, feeling the fabric of his flannel, across his collarbone and around to the back of his neck. His lips molded into mine and I could feel the heat rising in my chest. His tongue ran across my bottom lip, pleading for entrance. There was no other way to react than to go with it, because if I stopped I would have to explain myself and I would most likely lose it, followed by Lucas walking back in and seeing me like a mess thinking that Mark did something wrong.

Mark actually was doing something horribly. horribly wrong, because I was too intoxicated to use my head and the moment his lips made contact I felt this shiver that I had never felt before. I couldn't decipher its meaning but as the kiss deepened it faded into what I would say was complete lust. I wasn't mentally connected, only physically. 

It took me a few minutes to finally realize this was a huge, huge mistake. His position shifted so he was propped up on his left knee and his right leg was off the couch, so he was half standing. Both his hands were on my hips as he pulled away from the kiss. Taking into consideration the dramatic height difference, I had to look up to notice his heaving chest. 

"Wow." We both said in unison. I could tell you right then and there that we meant two completely different things when we said wow.

I meant: Wow, I just drowned my emotions in alcohol and let a really super hot guy put his hands all over me and didn't do a single thing to stop him.

Part of me was searching for another reason I let it happen, because I thought I knew better, but my thoughts were being dragged and dropped out of my head. I knew it was something emotional, and it would probably come to my mind in the morning which really frightened me. 

He probably meant: Wow, this girl is really easy going and I could probably take her up to the bedroom and she wouldn't even start to protest. 

Lucas walked back into the room as I was, in fact, about to stop him. I felt a sudden sigh of relief escape through my nostrils. He sat back down on the love seat and eyed Mark's position curiously. 

"I was just getting more alcohol." He chuckled, and reached over to grab a half empty glass of what was certainly my drink. I let it go though, I didn't want to start an awkard argument about who drinks what. I was letting a lot of things go tonight. I tried to snap out of it but the fatigue that was starting to slowly wraps itself around my body on top of the blood pulsing through my body with an eager force made that difficult. 

Mark slumped back down on the couch beside me, his hand snaking around my waist. His index finger guided it's way under my tank top before drawing circles just above my hip bone. It sent shivers up my spine, but neither Lucas or Mark could see the goosebumps form under my skin because we were covered by a thin blanket. Lucas put in another movie, some boring comedy that I probably didn't even buy, and turned off the lamp that was emitting the only source of light left in the room besides the TV screen. 

Wherever it was, somewhere in the back of my head a voice was screaming at me to try and stay awake as I fell asleep with my head against Mark's chest.