BitterSweet Lies (Niall Horan Fanfic)

Chapter 48

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Kia's Point of View

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Week and a half later

"All set?" Todd curiously asked.

I simply nodded my head. I was quite shattered by the flight from London to New York. I quickly grabbed my carry on in one hand while carrying Aoife Belle in the other. She fairly quiet, but it is probably from the flight. She was good for the most part but was defiantly getting restless nearing the end of the flight. As we followed Todd, who had exited the aircraft, I couldn't help but feel my stomach immediately turn into knots. The idea that we were in the states had hit me like a ton of bricks, or more specifically the thought of the entire world finding out about my little lie... Management had made it very clear that during our mini promo tour in New York, Niall and I would announce our well kept secret. I would be lying if I said I wasn't completely freaking out here, but I had to keep my self calm. There was no use in me losing my sanity over this. I had to put all my trust in the person who single handily stole my heart, broke it...only to be the one slowly mending it back together again. As weird as it sounds and for some odd reason it's always the same with Niall. I walk to fine line of feeling completely safe in such an unpredictable way with him...

Thankfully the walk from the private plane to the car was short. With Aoife Belle safely strapped in the back, Todd told the driver to head out. Todd decided that it was safest if we all arrived at different times, just to avoid any complications. The rest of the girls landed just under thirty minutes before us. It worked out great for me because it distracted everyone from mine and Aoife Belle's arrival. The boys, including Niall, are supposed to arriving later on tonight. Although I wished Niall had come along with us, apart of me needed the space put between us. I hadn't actually seen or even really talked to Niall since Aoife Belle's birthday. Waking up the the next morning was bittersweet. We had such a good time the day before, it was if no time had passed between Niall and I. We looked and acted like a unit, like a real family...The feeling slowly turned bitter when I realized I was at his house, in his bed, with our child knowing I wasn't his. At the end of the day he was still somewhat with Barbara and I... well I was just entertaining the idea of the family I always secretly wanted to have. I had to keep these intentions hidden for now, if ever wanted to have a chance with Niall ever again, we would have to take things slow. Despite how easy our connection comes, we still have a lot of issues to work out, and if I am really wanting long term results we would have to take baby steps.

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Niall's Point of view

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I plugged in my ear phones, trying to block out not only the guys but the entire world. I needed a small escape. The last week or so had been pure shit for me. I single handily avoided Kia as much as I possibly could and in doing so I accomplished nothing. I was doing what management expected of me, I was keep Kia at a distance but it was killing me inside not being able to hold her or playfully joke around with her- shit no I am not suppose to be thinking like this. She was just the mother of my child and that was it, that's is all she was suppose to be to me, nothing else. Just a friend I had kid with...I tired repeating this to myself the entire week and a half since the meeting with management, I hoped that if I kept telling myself this that I would start believing it. But just like everything else right now it was useless and shit. The longer time i spent trying to avoid her the more I thought and secretly wanted her.

I mentally cursed myself for thinking about this shit right now, I needed to shut down and relax...or at least try to. Leaning back in the plush chair of the private aircraft I listening to the soothing rumble of the planes engines.I slowly felt my eyes get heavier and heavier as the rumbles continued. I didn't fight this overwhelming sense of tiredness, the truth being I didn't get much sleep after that meeting with management. So I wasn't about to fight this, if anything I welcomed it and soon fell asleep.

I didn't intend on ending up here. In fact this was the last place I thought I would be when I woke up this morning. Hell I actually believed that me being here would have to do with me ending whatever this relationship I had with Barbara.Yet here I was, standing in front of the door to her flat. Even though management made it clear that they wanted 'us' to continue this thing, whatever the hell it was. I still wasn't comfortable with the idea. I would be lying if I said I didn't find her attractive but with that being said I just didn't have the spark, that connection I had with- fuck don't say or even dare to think her name. I thought to myself. She will never be yours. Never. The one I craved for was off limits. She was someone I could never be with, and that is what led me here. I know it was wrong of me to lead on Barbara like this, but I needed to desperately grab onto someone to help pull me out of the thoughts that consumed my entire mind. I was drowning and I was selfishly willing to use Barbara to try and mend this gaping hole in my chest. She's was getting what she always wanted from me, a real commitment. My mind was committing to her but somehow I knew my heart would never be hers, but I was a selfish bastard. I didn't give two shits at this point, if it helped take my mind off of- fuck- I mentally cursed myself for almost mentioning her name.

Before giving it a second thought I quickly knocked on the door. I prayed that Barbara would open the door quickly, so I wouldn't have a chance to change my mind.As if one cue, just as I was about to give up the door slowly crept open. Standing in the door way was the all to familiar slim figure, she was pretty but no where near- no no I need to focus here. Focus Niall, focus- I mentally cheered myself on.

"Niall?" The voice lightly said.

"umm hey?" I awkwardly replied.

"What are you doing here?" She said as she crossed her arms. Clearly she was still mad over what had happened yesterday.

"I-uh-I was hoping we could talk?" I stumbled over my words.

"What is there to talk about, you made it pretty clear I am not welcomed now that-"

"Don't." I cut Barbara off before she could mention her name. "I know that is why I am here. I just need you to give me 5 minutes to explain myself."

"Give me one good reason why I should let you in?" Barbara spat out.

"Because I need you Barbara. I know I've been a dick lately but just let me explain."' I begged. I really am a selfish prick. I knew that I didn't want Barbara in the way I was making it seem. I had been tossing her around as if she was worth nothing lately but I was going to make it up to her by giving her what she always wanted. I was officially making her my girlfriend. The only problem was that by giving her what she wanted I was giving up the one I wanted.

"Okay, you've got 5 minutes to explain, so you better make it count." She quickly agreed. With that she pushed her door fully opened. I followed her quick pace into her flat, knowing that I was probably going to regret this rash decision I was making but who cares? I had no future with- Kia- I finally let myself say her name and it crushed me even more than I thought it would. No stop it, stop being such a fucking wanker and do what you came here to do. I quickly thought to myself...I turned around closing the door to Barbara's flat somehow I knew that in closing this door and pursing a relationship with her, I was closing the door on any chance I had with Kia too. I wasn't sure if I was ready to face that reality yet but it was too late to turn back now. I was going through with this and that was it.

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Hey! Hey! Hey! soo I know it's been a while but I Graduated!! That is right I will be officially in Uni come September and I am sort of really excited yet really nervous. Anyways with all this Graduating distractions out of the way you lovelies and this story will have my full and undivided attention. I am going back to my regular updating schedule after my exams this week :)

If I haven't expressed how grate full I am for every single one of you, who are ready this story and are continually supporting the story, I am BEYOND thank full! Please make sure you guys keep reading, voting, and commenting :) (especially commenting I honestly get a kick out of reading your guys amazing thoughts :P )

xxMyTeenConfessions.