Alone With Ross

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"How could you? Is the better question." She began. "How could you? Even after all you have been put through by your parents or knowing what the other fosters have been put through, how could you ever possibly have the stomach to put your own child through that?" I gritted my teeth to keep from talking back. "If I've taught any of you, anything. It's that, you're not your parents. You're far from it, because I raised you. You were mine and if I could still look at you and say that I love you, even after all the hell you've put me through, there's no possible way you could sit there and tell me that you're not capable of providing your own child with love. Because I provided you with love, and you're not even from my own womb."

It was like a slap in the face, as always she was right. I just wanted to hear the negatives of the situation. I wanted  to throw a big fucking pity party. But with her words in my head that day I have come to the decision on two things.

I'll stay as long as she wants me.

And no child of mine will ever feel as I had.

The next two months went by in a flash. It wasn't until after her first sonogram that I told my parents. What I got back wasn't a congratulations but rather an invite to my family's cabin in Colorado for a small vacation.

And I went out of curiosity. I haven't seen any of my siblings in years, I've seen my parents plenty of times though so I wasn't as worried.

But I should've been.

At first they had greeted us with open arms. I expected my mom to be gushing over her first grandchild. But my parents haven't even alluded to our pregnancy. That was the first sign.

The second was a family dinner, in which the painful topic of the future had arose and I had to listen to each of my siblings as they bragged about early retirement and investing in real estate and vacationing in Barbados. And when the question turned on me I told them I was ready to be swamped in diapers, plush toys and nursery rhymes. To which they all awkwardly laughed about and switched topics to politics.

Then finally they pounced. My siblings all got together to go skiing, and I decided to hang back with Danielle. We were both exhausted from having to be around my family, so it wasn't a pleasant surprise to have my parents requesting us to come downstairs.

They tried, they really did. They tried to be skillful in the act of being subtle.

"So how are things coming along." My mother broke the ice.

"Good, the morning sickness has been getting to me but it's manageable." Danielle shrugged.

My mother awkwardly nodded tapping her hands on the table in front of her before sighing. "There's much to be discussed."

"About?" I tensed up.

"Both if you sit down." My father directed. I felt like a child again. "It's to my understanding that... this child was... an accident."

I rolled my eyes. "It wasn't intentional, no. But it doesn't mean it's unwanted." Danielle put her hand on my back rubbing soothing circles.

"And the child is out of wedlock..." My mother trailed off.

"This isn't renaissance times." I felt cornered and from Danielle's hand stilling on my back lead me to think that she did as well.