Cold as Ice | The Shades of Love (B.B)

You did this to her

Clarke

I felt my whole body shaking at the sight of Lydia laying on the table. Her mother was sitting next to her holding her hand. She was not really awake nor was she unconscious. The blood was leaking through her pants.Her leg was already closed and the wound was cleaned but we know that this wasn't the difficult part.

"Clarke you know that we have to do this now"Mom said reassuring. I nodded as I hold down Lydias shoulders. I looked over at Byran who was pushing down her legs and then I looked again at Lydias mother who was firmly holding her hand.My mother lifted the shirt revealing a bump. The blade was touching lydias skin. Slowly diggin in causing blood to run down her skin. Kane was swiping the blood off witha towell. And suddenly her eyes ripped open.An awful scream leaving her mouth. Loud screams filling the room as the blade was cutting layer after layer. Blood running down her skin. Her body was shaking. Sweat was rolling down her forehead. Heavy breathing and screaming. It was harder and harder to hold her down. Her screams were filled with pain. She was begging and screaming. Her face was crunched. As more and more blood was running down her body. It was dropping down the table. Making little puddles on the floor and the once clean towell was soaked with her blood.

Just by the sound of her screams a cold rash was running down my spine. I bite my tongue trying to look away.

"It's okay Lydia" her mother tried to calm her down as cries escaped her mouth. Loud crying and screaming filled the room once again. More and more blood was dropping down the table and the squeaking sound of flesh and blood under a blade was in my ears. The metallic smell of blood was heavy in the room. It was too late to stop now and it was too dangerous to go on. The blood that was running down the cot was never ending.

And as I looked at the doorway I saw a figure appearing. Dark curls covering his forehead. Eyes starring at me with this broken expression. I will never forget the way he looks at me. This anger filled look. How disappointed he stared at me. The way his eyes filled with tears as he saw my hands on her shoulders. The blood that was on the floor. As he heard the screams and saw the pain in her face. I thought he would break down every minute.

Instead he walked over slowly. Standing next to me as he knelt down in the bloody puddle on the floor. And he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.."he mumbled over and over again as her blood drained hand searched for his. And as he pressed he hand ever so soflty she stopped resisting. She was laying there almost dead. Her eyes fully attached to him as scream after scream escpaed her mouth. As thousands of tears were running down her face and the sound of the blade cutting her flesh went on. Minute after minute passing by. She was barely able to keep her eyes opened. Her skin went pale. The screams were quietening down as my mother stitched her skin back together. Stitch after stitch.

And still he was holding her hand strongly. His eyes were glued to her as tears slipped down his own cheek. Byran had left the room long time ago. There were no movements and no struggles anymore. Not even the pain was visible in her face. As if she had found an inner peace she was laying there trying to keep her eyes opened.

"You did so good"he whispered as he pressed a kiss to her hand. Blood streaks were covering his lips and bottom of his face.

Finally my mother laid the needle aside pulling down her shirt. I looked over at Lydias mom who was sitting in that chair her palms pressed together as she mumbled her prayers. Lydias eyes were closed her hand had to be loose in his.

"Bellamy.."I tried to softly calming him down while I laid my hand on his shoulder. He shrugged back pushing my hand away. Anger filling his eyes again.

"You did this to her" he said through gritten teeth.

"Bellamy she needed this surgery"Kane said now. He shook his head pressing her hand harder.

"She didn't deserve this. Lydia deserved better" he sniffed before he looked back at the girl laying in front of him.

"I already lost my mother. I don't know if I will see my sister again. If she dies.."he paused blinking away his tears "I have nothing."I knelt down in front of him. His eyes weren't even close to looking at me.

"Bellamy look at me."

When I met his brown eyes I almost felt my heart skipping a beat. A warm feeling going through my stomache before he twisted. I could feel my own eyes watering again.

"I remember the first night I realized that you weren't the person you tried to make everyone believe you were.I remember you saying that you are a monster. And I didn't want to believe you.And I looked at you and told you that I need you. And I told you that you are forgiven."

His eyes softened again. As if the anger washed away by wave of pure madness and devestation.

"I still mean it Bellamy. I still need you."

I waited for a response. For a blink. For anything at all. But he wouldn't even look at my anymore. He was just sniffling and watching over Lydia. Ignoring me as good as possible while I knelt down in the puddle of her blood. And his words were going thorugh my hand over and over again.

You did this to her

You did this to her

You did this to her

You did this to her

You did this to her

I did this to her