Cold as Ice | The Shades of Love (B.B)

I'm a mess

Lydia

Bellamy came closer and said that the others should leave and hunt,or at least that's what I understood. He sat down next to me and we sat there a while,he cleaned my wounds.

"You're okay? "

"Yes." No. Of course not I'm feeling like I'm dead.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you go. I was so scared that you..-" he couldn't finish the sentence. For a moment I thought he would cry,but Bellamy is way to strong for this.

"Bellamy we have to talk."

"I would like to, but I have to keep an eye on the others. They should come back by now." He stand up before I could say anything else. I groaned and tried to sat up. My ribs hurt like hell but it helps me to breathe properly. I know Bellamy was the leader but I needed to talk to him. Tell it to him. The thought of it makes me scared. I couldn't even think of what was going to happen.

After a while Murphy was back in the dropship.

"How're ya feelin'?" I asked him.

"Not as bad as you I guess. "

"Hey Lydia? I.. thanks for coming for me."

"Anytime again."

"No, really thank you. Nobody ever done something like this for me. "

I smiled at him. Murphy may be a jackass sometimes but he has a clean and lovely soul. Maybe he,liked me? Or is that so unrealistic. I could need some love or friends.

"I'll help you. If you want of course! "

I looked up at him. My eyes were watery.

"Thanks Murphy. I'm just..so scared."

"I know. But It'll be worth it."

"How do you know? "

"Cause everybody said it. "

I nodded and asked Murphy to help me to stand up. I needed to follow Bellamy, I mean I have to talk to him. Murphy helped me out of the dropship and we looked around. Some were working on weapons, others prepared the food and some were just doing anything else. Every now and then a group came back to the camp with something to eat, which was either dead animals or berries. Murphy said that he would look at the wall while I sat down on a trunk. I pulled at my pants to see my swollen ankles. The right one looked even more bad then the left one,but it was bareable. After what felt like hours Murphy returned.

"He isn't at the wall, neither in the dropship or the weapon tent."Murphy said. I was confused, could he went hunting? I shook my head and asked Murphy if he could guide me to Bells Tent. It was the last option I know. By the time we needed to get there and I've waited fpr Murphy he could've gone somewhere else.

I entered the tent only to see a nake Bellamy laying on the mattress and Raven putting on her clothes. I stared at Bellamy and i couldn't describe what was going on inside of me in that moment. It was a mixture of anger and frustration. It was something, I mean some hope was dying inside of me. It was like the little part inside of me was crying for its dad and that was the moment where I felt the first connection between us. The first interaction between me and it.

I totally forgot about Murphy,who was standing next to me.

"I'm sorry."I mumbled and asked murphy to bring me back to the dropship. Murphy pulled me off of my feet and walked with me to the dropship. I was silent bewteen us,while I tried to hold back my feelings. That's why i hate trusting people. Exactly this. All I wanted is to get rid of this feeling and now, it felt like all the feelings of the past years came back. All at ones and it was even more painful than my body hurted.