Cold as Ice | The Shades of Love (B.B)

Is this a goodbye?

Lydia

As promised we stopped at Lincolns village. I had to see Artigas. From the distance I could hear loud gun noises, grounders don't use them.
Only we do. I told the two warriors, the were with me to "protect" me, they should stay where they are while I ran towards the loud noises. As I was in the mittle of the village I saw John standing there while Finn was holding up his gun.

No. The loud noise from Finns gun filled the air, as Artigas slowly sinked on his knees and fell down on the ground. I wanted to move, to scream, just do anything, but I just stood there freezing. The blood leaked his shirt as slowly as my steps towards him. I could still heard the shots from Finns gun, but my attention layed on Artigas.
My stomach clunched and I could finally force myself to do something.
"Noooo!" All the energy I could get, everything that was inside of me, every inch of me wanted to scream louder, more powerful. I stumbled towards Artigas, who was starring at me with his pale blue eyes. His lips shimmered in blood, his hand clutched around mine.
He breathed so fast, I instantly knew that the bullet hit his lung. He tried to get more air, pressed my hand as if he could get the air out of my, now bloody, hand.
I needed to do something, let him know that I'm here. My lips tried to build a smile, even though my eyes were watery from all the tears and my heart was hurting as strong as Artigas pressed my hand.
"It's okay. I'm here, we're here." I whispered, my hand , that wasn't clutched in his, was stroking his forehead down to his cheek. His lips trembled as he tried to say something, more blood spilled out of his mouth.
"Ai..gonplei st-ste odon.. [my fight is over]" he mumbled and reached my belly. His hand layed there, cold and weak, his eyes went even more pale, till they were completely weak. His hands sink to the ground, the blood still dripped out of his mouth.
My heart clenched, my stomach rebelled, my hands trembled. This isn't it. This can't be true. I shook his shoulder.
"Artigas, Artigas please..you have to open your eyes.Artigas. OPEN YOU'RE EYES!" I was getting louder, my movements harsh. No! He isn't dead. I shook his body, pressed his hands to his chest and tried to make his heart beat again. Nyko was kneeling in front of me.
"Artigas! Artigas come on! Breathe!" I screamed and pushed even harder on his chest, already breaking his ripbones.
Nyko shoved my hands away and shook his head.
"No..please.."I begged, but Nyko just stared at the ground, eventually closed Artigas empty eyes. Anger filled my veins, sadness overwhelmed my heart. It was a mixture of wanting to die and trying to beat the hell out of something. He can't be dead, he was only 17. I owned him my life, I owned him the life of my unborn child, I can't lose him now.
The frustration grew inside of me, my body was trembling in anger, my tears kept on falling down my hot cheeks down to the ground.
I screamed, I punched the ground, I shook Artigas shoulder and screamed again. This is just a nightmare.
I looked around to see Finn standing there, starring at me. His eyes were filled with nothing, not even a hint of guiltless. I can't explain what was it that made me force so much energy to jump up. In this moment it just overwhelmed me, packed me, punched me and dragged me down.
"YOU!" I shouted and pushed his chest.
"You monster! You killed him! YOU'RE A MURDERER! YOU ARE GUILTY!" I couldn't stop screaming and pushing him. I pushed his chest, I punched his face, cried out in frustration and fell down on my knees.
"You killed him.."I mumbled under tears. In this moment of silence I thought. Thought about what happened.

He's gone. I can never talk to him again, he can't help me through this pregnancy, he can't give me strength. He helped me without hesitation. His heart was bigger than the space, his voice soothed me, his words impressed me, his actions taught me a lot more than I thought I already know. This boy was perfect, he earned my trust, my love, my heart. I fell for him as fast as the weather is changing and I needed him more than I needed the air to breathe. We're is he now?

He's gone. Complete gone. He's not existing anymore, it's just an empty body laying in the dirt. I'm not his friend anymore, he's not at my side anymore.

"Lydia?" I turned around to meet his deep eyes starring at me like he used to do.
"Bellamy..."
The boy who used to be as close to me as Roan. But we aren't the same, I wasn't.

Behind him was Clarke.
I pulled them all in the next tent. Finn stayed outside to make sure that nobody "escapes". My mind was full of thoughts but I couldn't say a word.
The first thing I felt were two arms around my body.
"I'm glad you're alive",Bellamy whispered and watched my white/blue painting on my face.
"Good to see you too",I mumbled still a little confused and hurt. The pictures in my mind wouldn't stop.
"So now you're one of them?!" Murphy spat out but in the same moment came closer to me.
"They saved my life", I protested as someone entered the tent silently.
"Watch what you're saying, your speaking with Princess Lydia of Azgeda", Nyko now said as he saw the moon on my forhear. Like a princess always has. The blue and white colors are for ice nation only or mostly.
"Uh la la , Ice princess huh?" Murphy said amused.
"Shut up,Murphy."I threatened him.
Bellamy couldn't even look at me without having this disgusted expression on his face. But I am who I am and right now I'm saving mine and the life of our child.
"If I were you I would leave before you start a fight,you aren't able to fight "I whispered my thoughts still chaotic.
"You won't come with us? Lydia, the others from the ark are down here as well. We can fight the grounders", Bellamys voice was deep and intimidating.
"I don't want to kill them Bellamy", I said now louder. I wanted respect and I wanted my strength back. The strength I've lost over the time and what's even more important was to prove that I am not one of them neither one of the grounders.
"Don't you want payback? They wanted to kill us, they totured you, they massacred our friends." He said. In his voice I could hear all the hate and frustration he had kept inside him. A way too long time.
"What I want and what we need to do are two different things, Bellamy. I don't want a war, I'm trying to find peace."
The loud noises from outside interrupted me somehow. That couldn't be something good.
I turned towards the outside.
"Is this a goodbye?"bellamy asked now, his voice slowly softening. I turned around and layed my hands on each of his cheeks before I pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. His soft lips I've missed so much.
"This is a may we meet again", I whispered as I pressed my lips to his ear whispering something as fast as I could and ran back outside.Artigas body was laying on the ground, his mouth covered in blood and his eyes wide open,yet empty.