Cold as Ice | The Shades of Love (B.B)

Chapter 17: I'm not heartless

Lydia

I walked past Octavia straight to the fence where the others were standing with guns on watch. They let me pass immediately, they probably knew that they couldn't stop me and I'm pretty sure that they wanted me to die. At least most of them. Not all the grounders are like this,nobody wants war.
I just need to find Artigas before all of this escalates or better, before I get killed.
The last time I walked towards this direction I got locked up. I don't really remember the whole way but I knew that I'd had to go to the opposite direction of Mount Weather. Everything that I remembered I followed and it brang me deep into the forest,just like the last time. Suddenly I heard a strange noise and instinctively hid behind a tree. Footsteps came closer and I heard voices talking in another language.
At this point I was sure that this isn't Monty, Clarke or Finn.  The two grounders passed me and I could see their backs. In their hands they had throwing knives and other knife-kinda-looking things. I prayed that they wouldn't turn around and see me. My heart beating fearfull. My stomach cramping.
After a while they got lost behind the trees and I took a deep breath I had to held in the whole time.

"Shit."I breathed out and ran back to the camp.
It was too late,the grounders are on their ways. Doesn't matter whats going to happen, the war is unstoppable. The way back to the camp was even more difficult, since I had to keep an eye on the grounders that could've been hiding in the trees. The running wasn't the best thing for my hurting ankles but it couldn't get worse. After a while the pain wasn't as stingy anymore and I got used to the awkwrad painful feeling that came from my ankles up to my stomach.
The sun was now seen behind the trees and I arrived back at the camp. Finally. As I entered the camp I saw Finn and Bellamy standing outside of the dropship. When did he came back? Does that mean that Monty is back as well? I looked around to find Monty or Jasper but I couldn't find them. Neither of them was seen around here. Finn ran towards me, his face was dirty and his hair greasy. It looked like he didn't saw water for about 4 months or longer. In a way it disgusted me and in another way it made me feel insecure,because I might look just the same. But I have scars and bruises as well.

"You did this!"he screamed at me and grabbed my arm harsh. I slapt his chest and pushed him away from me. His face turned completely. The redness on his forehead and the veins that popped up was something I didn't see till now.

"Excuse me?! What the hell are you talking about, Spacewalker?!"I growled. Bellamy made his way towards us now as well and tried to be as serious as possible.

"Raven got injured by a throwing star and we all know that you,psycho,  are the only one out of this camp that is able to throw knives. You left the camp just a few minutes after her." Finn said a bit reproachfully, but the veins weren't seen anymore. Bellamy was staring at me as if he wanted me to say that I did it. Of course, the murderer left the camp and when someone is injured it's my fault. It's not like that I proofed a thousand times that I'm not a psychpath. But who do I blame? These are just underaged teenagers, wannabe playboys that crowned themselves to something better and smartasses that in fact know nothing at all about this and wouldn't surivev a day alone on this fucked up planet.

"I didn't hurt her,dumbass. If you want to blame someone,than blame yourself. She left the camp angry because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants. Don't play big boss and don't think I'm scared of you. "I stated. Just as I wanted to walk past them Bellamy grabbed my arm to hold me back. He looked at me with a worried glimpse before he told "We don't know if she makes it".

I don't hate Raven and I would never want that she dies, but this is the smallest problem right now. They said that on this earth are no rules, no privileged,but this isn't true. It began with King and Queen Bellamy and Clarke, followed by the enslaved kid soldiers and now they privilege Raven. Nobody talked about Miles who got killed for Finn and Clarke, but they made searching teams for them and not Miles. How pathetic turned this out huh?

"This isn't on me and if you think that this is the worst thing,than Bellamy I'm sorry but than you don't know what war is. The most of the people here will die. The grounders are going to slit open their body,they'll decapitate them and they will massacre every one that gets in their way. Instead of focusing on only one damn girl that is probably dying you should save the other 93 people here,King Blake."

They both stared at me and they knew that I was right.We can't save everyone and we have to make sacrifices to protect some. Nobody cares about the namless kids that will lose their lives. The kids that think that they can win this war and get out of it as heros. They all will die and we can't stop it or change it. Unfortunetely, I'm one of the sacrifices they would make to save Clarke or Raven or Finn. To be honest, the only thing that keeps me still alive is the growing thing inside of me.

"How can you be so heartless."Finn whispered. I wish I could tell him why I am who I am,but this would take too long.

"I'm not heartless, I am not the one turning teenagers into soldiers and sacrifice them to save the people that I think are more important. This is on you. I'm not the murderer,not this time", with this I finally passed them.