Time to say goodbye

22

"Because it's time to say goodbye, to the earth and now my worthless life"

I jotted down lyrics to the song for the show, trying to find the perfect words that would fit better.

The thought of Josh kept me going, writing down more and more words. The version of the song I had sang to him before didn't have as much meaning to it as the one I've written now.

"And I'm standing on a tower trying my hardest to make it"

Tears filled my eyes as flashbacks of the night of the suicide attempts rushed in. Why did I have to do that?

Tyler: hey, can you come over?
Read: 3:16 pm

Josh: yeah, one sec

I smiled. I couldn't stand to be alone and in pain without him.

I popped a few pain killers to ease the pain, and my mind. While waiting for Josh, I put the notebook away, and sat back up on the couch. I had been sleeping and staying on the couch since the incident because I couldn't get upstairs, it wasn't that bad at all. I had all the TV I wanted. My parents had left me alone, going to "work" for 8 hours a day, and the only time they were home they slept.

I finally heard a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I yelled, smiling because josh was finally here.

He peaked his head inside to make sure my parents weren't home. Once he was sure that they were gone, he came in, and was holding something behind his back.

He smiled as he saw that I knew that he was hiding something.

"Whatcha got there, bud?" I smirked as I said bud, watching his face turn into fucking love of my life into friend zoned.

"Well, bud, I gotya' a surprise, but I guess you don't want it if you want me to be your best bud," he smirked back.

I sighed, frowning to make him feel bad.

"Okayyy... well I guess you aren't just my bud," I smiled.

He walked over to the couch, with his hands still behind his back.

"Joshhh, what is it?" I said eagerly, kinda hoping it would be something romantic.

He bit his lip, and looked at mine. I nodded so he could break the tension. His wrapped his arms around me, and I held his neck with my hand. He placed his lips on my forehead, then my cheek, and finally my lips. His tongue collided with mine, making me shove mine farther into his mouth. We moved our mouths to the beat of our hearts. Then he slid his hand down my back, and up my shirt. He looked at me for approval, and I nodded. Maybe he could get my lower body to feel something.

He unbuttoned my shirt, and pulled it off me, leaving my chest exposed. My scars were there, still red from irritation. Scarred deeply. He was in shock, mouth partly open, and guilt in his eyes.

"It's okay, Josh. Keep going."

He nodded, still shocked, but went down to kiss them. I was surprised, I didn't think he would do that. Then he moved farther down to my pants.

"So-uh- you said you can't feel anything down there, right?" He asked disappointedly.

"Only if you can't make me." I said, laughing.