I Needed to, I Had to

Insecure [M]

"I'm sorry." I whispered. He opened his eyes.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." I said as I put my free hand on his other cheek.

"Did you...mean what you say?" He finally asked after minutes of silence.

"I...I did." I hesitated and he closed his eyes again.

"Every words?

-E-Every words." I said my voice shaking.

"Why do you even stay with me then?" It might have sounded aggressive but the tone he used showed how bad he was hurt and vulnerable at the moment. For once I wasn't the vulnerable one.

"I love you, that's why. The way you try to make me happy, the way you support me, the way you are with me, these sides of you nobody but me knows....because I love those and everything about you." I said hoping it reassure me.

"Is that even enough to keep you by my side?

-Yeah, it's more than enough. I'm sorry for what I said, so sorry." I said hugging him and he hugged me back.

"I want to treat you right, I really want us to be happy!

-I know, I know that, JongIn.

-You're really the only woman in my life. I love our son, I love you and you two only!

-I know, I love you too, so much!" He held onto me closer.

  

          My eyes met with SeHun's one. He seemed a bit worried about JongIn as I was. Taemin and him discreetly left the apartment as JongIn face was burried in my shoulder. I realize that maybe my breakdown was all it had taken for him to have one too. He wasn't crying but in his tone and the way he was holding onto me I felt like he had went back to when he told me about his mother leaving him behind, to when he was a kid asking for comfort and nobody would give him any. I hugged him tighter so he could feel I was there.

"I try to deal with things the best I can. I tried putting myself in your shoes, I was suffocating with the thought of facing all you went through. I know it's my fault that you've been through all this shit but...

-It's not your fault! I told you it's not!

-It's my fault if we lost Sarang!" It was the first time I heard him say it that out loud. I always had thought he was unconsciously thinking like me that it was my fault but I was wrong.

"You're such a strong woman, such a wonder but because of me you became so weak and so wounded. I'm the worst thing that happened in your life, right?

-No you're not! You're not, JongIn! Don't say that, please!" My heart was breaking.

"You would have been better off not meeting me, right?

-No, I wouldn't!" I desperately yelled.

"Stop thinking like this! Just stop! You and Jason are all I've got in this world, don't you ever think I would be better without you! Only bad things happen when you're not with me!