I Needed to, I Had to

Insecure [M]

*Tiana's POV*

            I was sat on the kitchen floor, hugging myself and crying. I had too much on my mind, Krystal words, me yelling at myself to stop being a cry baby and then the doctor's words about me having a depression, those were repeating again and again in my mind like an old vinyl. JongIn had been silent ever since I told him these harsh words that I only half regretted. I was telling the truth but I didn't mean to hurt him. He sat on the floor in front of me and kept on staring at me making me more uncomfortable. He tried to tend his hand toward me but I started crying harder. I didn't want him touching me for the moment. I wasn't really angry at him, I was just totally exhausted and felt really sensitive at the moment and I didn't want his skin to make contact with mine because I was getting more furious and emotional for no reason each time he was trying to calm me down.

"Can you please leave?" I begged between my cries.

"Tiana...

-Please! I just want some time alone. I'll be fine so just leave me alone there." He sighed, desperate and got up.

"Tiana I really lov...

-Leave, please!" I whimpered.

         I know I was mean to do that. He was trying to comfort me, to make me feel better but I couldn't help myself to hate his sweet words in this situation. It is too simple to say you love someone and then to treat them like shit. I needed some time alone to breath and calm down. Suddenly my phone started ringing. I had left it in the kitchen when we were taking care of the groceries. I got up with difficulty to reach it and pick it up.

"I'm sorry....can I call you back later?

-Tiana? Are you alright?" Taemin's voice came out of the phone.

"I...I don't know...

-Is JongIn with you?

-No, I told him to leave me alone.

-What is happening?

-I...I..." I was about to explain to him but my cries were only becoming louder and less understandable.

"Where are you?

-In...In the Kitchen...at home.

-Don't move, I'll be there in a few." He hung up.

        I put my phone down and sat back on the floor in the same position than earlier, regretting to have emptied the bottle of water because I was pouring it out through my eyes. I felt stupid to be crying so much and to be furious against JongIn for no reason when he had done nothing wrong but at the same time the simple idea of him being in the same room as Krystal was driving me crazy. I was furious against myself, JongIn, Krystal, I was exhausted, I was depressed, I was simply overwhelmed.

"Hyung, wait!" When the door opened on Taemin's worried face. I let out a cry of relief, at least someone I couldn't be furious against.

"Tiana, what happened? Your cheeks are red and swollen, your lips too!" He said inspecting my face closely.