I Needed to, I Had to

Slow Recovery Part 2

*JongIn's POV*

           I stayed with my hands on the wheel, the atmosphere in the car was heavy and silent. Tiana was staring at her hands on her thighs and Jason was silently looking out the window but I could see he was upset about how our little moment had been spoiled.

"Tiana, I...

-Home, I just wanna go home.

-What about somewhere else?" I said looking at her hoping for a hint for agreement but she kept silent.

"Please, let's not give up on this moment with just the three of us, hu?" I said taking her hand in mine.

"Let's go somewhere else but not home, ok?" She seemed to hesitate but after a few seconds she squeezed my hand.

           I smiled a her knowing she could see it from the corner of her eye. I started the engine and start driving to a place where I believed she would have feel better. There was that little park not far from the studio where we used to dance years ago, it was usually almost empty and really calm, just what she needed.

         The traffic was awful but after one hour we finally arrived near the park. I got out of the car, opened the door for Tiana and got Jason out of it too. Tiana slowly got out too and took my hand. Once again she looked like a lost little girl following me silently with her head down. Jason took my other hand and I lead everybody in the park less empty than I had thought but still pretty calm. It hadn't changed a lot since the times we were coming together, the long alley of tree leading to the playground was still the same apart from the big tree ending the alley that had been cut down . We sat down on a bench in front of the playground we could watch after Jason playing with other kids while I would try to get something out of Tiana.

"Ti....

-I'm sorry." I looked at her puzzled. I didn't know what to answer to her apologize.

"I'm sorry. I overreacted, I shouldn't have spoil your surprise like this. I'm really sorry.

-No, It's...

-I shouldn't have yell at you. I should have stayed there with you and ignore these comments like I always have done but I couldn't." She put her hands on her face, covering it.

"Why? What was so different about these comments?

-Before they felt wrong...before they were wrong to me..." She whispered loud enough for me to hear it.

           I laced my arms around her and hugged her so she could feel I was there for her.

"I always was alright because I had Jason and because I knew who I was and what I was doing. I had lost everything but him and I managed to get back on my feet to become the best version of me I could have been with my circumstances.

-You're still the same.

-No, I'm not. I don't even know who I am anymore. I told you already, I don't feel like my body is mine anymore. I can't control anything, my emotions are a mess, my appearance is a mess, my mind is a mess...I'm just a big walking mess.