I Needed to, I Had to

Insecure [M]

"I told him that I felt like a Mistress, to imagine how it would feel if Kevin was telling him how he raped me and...That I sometimes regret falling in love with him.

-It's ok, he knows you didn't mean it.

-I meant it, Taemin! All of this was true, I just hoped I wouldn't have said it to him." I said pulling on my hair.

"Hey, Calm down. it's ok to say what is on your mind. keeping this for yourself wouldn't have been any good. He knows how you feel now and even if it hurt him, he would probably try to make you feel better, ok?

-You think so? What if he is furious at me? What if...

-Hey, Tiana!" Taemin yelled at me, shaking me a bit.

"What is happening to you? You would never whimp like this and worry about such things! What is happening to the Ti I know?

-She is currently going through post baby lost depression following doctor's words.

-Depression?" I nodded as an answer.

"Did you tell it to JongIn?

-No, I was told this morning and I haven't properly talk to JongIn since then." I answered sighing.

"Do you want to talk to him? Are you ok, now?

-I think so, I just had a mental breakdown for a moment. I didn't want him to touch me because of that but I think I'm fine now.

-Let's go then." He said getting up and helping me up.

         We both went back to the living room slowly to find JongIn sat on the sofa with his face in his hands and Sehun tapping his shoulder. We stopped a few meters aways from them and Sehun stared at me, I was expecting some resentment but I could only see worry and sympathy. Taemin pushed me forward. I was about to say something when JongIn started talking without knowing I was there.

"I don't know what do anymore... I don't know how to deal with all her pain." He said. I made a few steps back, scared he would reject me. Taemin stopped me.

"I love her so much and I keep on hurting her. She doesn't even want me to touch her now, she regrets falling in love with me, I'm the worst." He said almost sobbing.

         I felt my heart breaking hearing how much he was hurt in his voice. I slowly went toward him and stopped in front of him. He still hadn't felt my presence.

"I'm so sorry about what she have been through because of me. If only I could have marry her back then! I wanted to marry her so bad, I still want to marry her so bad. I love her so much! What should I do, SeHun?

-Maybe, lift your head and look at her eyes.

-Hu?" He said lifting his head.

            When he saw me, he stood up immediately. His face full of worry and fear at the same time. He raised his hand to let it down one second after. He stared at me silent, I analyzed his face. His eyes were a bit red showing he had seriously teared up, he was frowning with his lips parted, he looked paler than when I faced him sooner. I lifted my hand to his cheek, he closed his eyes and put his hand on mine. I seriously thought he would started crying again because of the way he held onto my hand, frowning and breathing loudly. Taemin and Sehun stared at us in silent waiting for one of us to finally say something.