I Needed to, I Had to

Insecure [M]

"Are you ok?" Sehun came to join Taemin in front of me.

        My cries didn't want to stop but I felt incredibly relieved to see them so I just laced my arms around their neck hugged them close, still crying like a baby. They were hugging me back, asking for my reason to cry. It reminded me of the all time when I'd be sulking and they would do the same things. They always were there whenever JongIn and I were arguing, defending JongIn when talking to me and defending me when talking to JongIn so we would end up making peace. I suddenly felt even more guilty, reminding that I had left them alongside with JongIn, without telling a word.

"I'm sorry!" I cried out.

          After a few minutes of crying again, when I was slightly sobbing, they helped me up and Taemin lead me to the bedroom as JongIn stayed in the living room with SeHun. We sat on the bed edge, his arm around my shoulder still comforting me. He really looked worried and lost. He put my hair out of my face to look into my eyes.

"What happened?

-Krystal, she came and I just wanted her out of here but she slapped me and we ended up fighting." I said still furious.

"There must be more for you to cry.

-There is. While we were fighting she kept on telling me how her and JongIn fucked while I was away, giving me details I didn't need." I answered putting my hands in my hair feeling the tears coming back.

"Hey, it's ok Ti. Look at me." He said cupping my face.

"Why did you tell JongIn to leave you alone?

-I guess I have forgiven him for this because I know how bad of a shock it must have been to believe that you were Jason's father and also I did so wrong myself, multiple times but...I just can't forget.

-You don't have to forget...

-You don't understand... Nobody told me about him and Krystal, I saw it with my own eyes... I saw everything, Taemin." He looked at me confused.

"Kevin had cameras in the apartment and he allowed to watch some videos so I could check on Jason because he saw how worried I was about him. That's how I ended up seeing them.

-Oh my god, Tiana." He hugged me.

"I finally had started to forget about it but now all the images are repeating in my mind with Krystal's comments.

-It's ok, forget about it. Forget about it all.

-I can't!" I said whimpering.

"I feel so bad. I say so many cruel things to JongIn. Even if they were true I shouldn't have said them.

-What did you tell him?

-I know how guilty he feels about Kevin. He told me many times how sorry he was that I felt the urge to leave him before, that I met Kevin because I was away, that I had to go through all that and still..." Remembering how cruel I had been I felt like I was the villain of the story.