Lasting Impressions©

Escape

       I blink my eyes, but he's still there. I begin rocking back and forth trying to catch my breath. My chest is rising so fast it hardly has a chance to deflate. I can't slow it down.  The walls are closing in on me. I know what's happening, this used to happen back then, before I sought help. I'm having a full blown panic attack. I'm hallucinating the only person I think can help, but he isn't here.

"It's not real, this isn't real, he isn't here."

I whisper to myself over and over again trying to convince myself. The voices are screaming at me as the tears break trough and flood my face. I hear it again, "Harlow, "

This time I don't bother to look up. I don't want to see him but I also don't want him to be gone. I squeeze my eyes shut and continue to chant to myself, trying to drown out the voices I know are not real. When I feel a warm tight grip on my waist Im confused, my hallucinations  have never gone this far.  I also haven't felt like this in so long, so broken so absent from reality. I have only felt so bad in my life once to actually inflicted pain upon myself. I was fifteen right after Harry left. I was alone and scared and Crystal was on some type of drug induced rage and I was the center of it. I open my eyes,  and shake my head to rid myself of the horrible memory. I blink and jump back, scurrying out of his embrace. The blood from my arm is now smeared everywhere including my imaginary Harry. I begin rocking again covering my ears to get the voices to stop, repeating my mantra.

"This isn't real Harlow, he isn't here, it's in your head."

"No, Harlow it's okay I'm here. Clam down. Shh.... Shhh..."

Harry holds me tightly as he rocks back and forth with me.  As my words die down, the voices quite in my head but I still here his. Calming me pulling me back down to earth. When I realize he is here sitting under me holding me I burst out in tears, again. I twist my back to wrap my arms around his neck and burry my face in its nook. I sit curled up in Harry's lap for hours crying until I had nothing left. Harry let me to only offering the occasional I'm here, we will get through this or let it out. He never rushes or asks what's wrong he just holds me. When I finally come up for air the sun has gone down, the sky is a mixture of dark blue and light purple. The darkness taking over as night rolled in. Like my life. I looked in to Harry's eyes and saw that he was scared, he was afraid of me or what I have become. Harry helped me to my feet and laced our fingers together helping me up to the surface.

We walked back to my room in a uncomfortable silence. I knew Harry had questions and soon I would have to face them soon I would have to give him answers. Once inside my room, I thank god no one else is here. Slipping some shorts and a soft tshirt I stole from Harry out of my tiny dresser I step in the bathroom to change. I wrap a little gauze around my arm trying to make it as inconspicuous as possible. 

"Harlow, I need to know what's going on?"

Harry asks from my bed as I emerge from the other room, the shirt falling below  my shorts. He smirks for a second when he sees my choice in attire. It's gone fast replaced with worry. He must think I've lost my mind. I honestly think I have. When I don't respond he continues.

"Harlow, please what is wrong when did this start? Why didn't you tell me you weren't okay ?"

He's begging for answers with his words but more so with his eyes. I know I have to give him something or he won't give up.

"Harry, I.. so tired can we sleep now? I'll try and explain when we wake up?"

Hoping that I will fell better then. Harry shook his head and took hold of my hands pulling me to him. My back to his chest and his arms wrapped securely around my waist, I let out a long sigh as the darkness pulled me under.