Perfect Little Blue Boy (Percy Jackson)

Chapter Eight

Nico

I wasn't sure if it was me or what. But the longer I was here, the more I noticed how negative Percy actually was. And not like he wasn't different at camp.

But being with him, I just noticed it more.

And for some reason, he seemed really insecure. He never really showed that, but I got that vibes. Like when he asked why I would ask him out. Stuff like that, the things that people normally don't ask in that manner.

I wonder if his mom was married before Paul and that's why. Or maybe a bad relationship himself before Annabeth. Something just keeps him paranoid. On edge. Tense.

After three days of this, I finally brought it up. It was driving me insane. And it was something I wasn't bringing to Jason, because if I found something out that Percy doesn't want others to know, I won't tell Jason.

"Are you okay?" I asked Percy, honestly worried about him. I don't think he slept the night before. And Tenaya can't be blamed. She slept most of it.

"Yeah, no." He told me as he finished putting the brownies in the oven. "But I mean it's fine, I can deal with it. You don't have to worry about me, Nico."

No, I do. Because you say that kind of shit that makes me even more worried.

I don't know what's going on in his head. And to be honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to know. Because I worried about him, but I was afraid of finding out the wrong thing and forcing it out of him. Of pushing him too far. We got together three days ago. I don't want to ruin it. It's been a lovely three days so far.

He closed the oven door.

"No, I do." I corrected him as I walked over to where he was and sat down across from him. "If I don't worry, that would make me the worlds shittiest boyfriend. I know you didn't sleep last night. What's going on?"

"Um..."

For a minute or so, he didn't say anything. Just lost in his brain and whatever was going on in it.

"I don't know." He answered my concerns with nothing too specific. "I just kind of get this way sometimes. Grover once threatened to call a hospital because I wouldn't tell him what was wrong but I didn't know what was wrong. So it just happens. I'm sorry. I should've warned you about that. I have more problems than you probably want to deal with. So if I'm quiet or distant, I'm sorry. I don't try to be. I'll be back to what you're used to in a few days at most. Probably tomorrow or something. I'm sorry."

I gave him a big hug that he really needed and I thought about that. Because that wasn't just anxiety. There was something... Dare I say depression that was influencing it?

After all, it would make sense. I don't know how. But it seemed that if he had anxiety and he was acting like this from time to time and he's been though a lot, depression seemed to fit right in.

Which would also explain part of the insecurity thing. Not all of it. But the whole idea of why him and not somebody else.

"Don't be sorry." I insisted. "It's just nice to know so I don't freak out on you when this happens in the future. Don't you worry about me leaving. I'll help you deal with the worst of your problems, as stupid as some of them might be."

"Well some are really stupid.," He promised me. "But uh... Remember that stupid thing Annabeth had been spreading? The thing you told me about and I told you it was bullshit."

"Yeah," I recalled. "That you were raped. What about it? You said it never happened."

"I lied."

And this feeling just went through me and something hit me.

I can't go back to camp this soon, as was the plan. To go back today.

I have to stay here and help him. Because gods forbid he does anything, I will never forgive myself. Which means I'm not leaving here until I know that he's okay and that he wouldn't do anything to hurt himself.

We pulled away from the hug, and I squeezed his hand. This was a big deal, him opening up about such a thing as rape. And gods know how long he's kept it a secret.

Well, I'm assuming Sally and Paul would know. But I mean from his friends and from me and everyone.

"I mean, it wasn't recent." He tried to explain to me. "When you told.me Annabeth was spreading that, I thought she was making up bullshit from something recent that never happened. But I was raped, quite a few times, when I was younger. Before camp. I don't know how Annabeth found out or if she really was just saying bullshit. Grover told me she said she saw a video that, as far as I'm aware, doesn't exist. But it happened. My parents don't know. As far as I know, you and Grover are the only ones that have heard about it from me."

"You didn't tell your parents?"

He knew that sounded terrible when he told me that. But he tried to save that.

"I couldn't," Percy told me. "Before we even knew Paul, my mom was married to this guy. His name was Gabe. He was a drunk, he smoked, he gambled away our money. He'd take my money for beer or anything he wanted and he terrified me. He was nicer around Mom. But none of his buddies, or whatever they were, were having sex with their wives. Their wives didn't want it. So they would see me and Gabe told them he didn't care what they did to me and when they'd get drunk, they'd go into my room. And yeah. I was gagged so I couldn't scream. I wasn't strong by any means. Gabe did it a lot when Mom worked late. And he threatened to beat me into a pulp had I told my mom about anything. Or anyone."

He paused.

"So I kept my mouth shut," Percy told me.  "I mean, he already beat me and did whatever the fuck he wanted to do to me. But I didn't want to die. Well, I did. But that was because of depression, I didn't want him to kill me. And he's dead now. My first summer at camp I was thrown on a quest and we killed Medusa and they let me keep the head. And when I saw him almost beat my mom, which I'm guessing he probably did in the past, I gave it to my mom and told her I wouldn't go home unless he was gone. Whether he moved out or died, I didn't care. And she used it a few weeks later on him. Sold it. We got this place. Mom started college. I got into a nice school and for expelled either way. Yeah. I never got around to telling my mom about it. I got worried about camp, about Tyson, and then you, and then Grover, and we went to war and it just never came up after Paul came around. So yeah."

I kissed his cheek and pulled him back into a hug.

He deserved so much better. Maybe not now, maybe I was good for him. I hoped that I was.

But he deserved a lot better of a childhood. He deserved a happy childhood. A fun one. Not the shit he had to go through.

"I am so sorry you had to go through that, Percy," I told my boyfriend. "I can't... I would never and will never do anything like that to you. Okay?"

"I know you wouldn't." The son of Poseidon assured me, digging his head further into my neck shoulder area. "That's why I wanted to tell you. So you don't get confused every time I flinch when somebody tried to dive bomb a high five or something. So you know there's reason and don't worry as much about it. Because like, I get that you're gonna worry. I worry, too. But just so you know. There's a reason."