Toughest Battle

1/

Azalea 🌺 Moore

Saturday, April 18th / 2:30pm

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I woke up the next morning happier than I have ever been in a long time because I had some money in my pockets. I paid my phone bill that morning, put some money to the side for my rent now I was at the mall so my son could get some new shoes.

Ryan never looked dirty, I always made sure his clothes was nice and clean and I always made sure his hair was cut. I didn't have much money but I would look bad before I let him look a mess.

Before R.J left out my life I had a whole new closet full of clothes, and I had money in the bank but that money only lasted a few months after Ryan was born. The appointment I'm living in now was a trip house for R.J at one point but he told me I could live there when he came to take his house and car keys away from me.

"I like them ones mommy." He pointed to some all red Jordan 5's that came out last Saturday. "I want them."

I picked up the shoes up looking at the Price tag on the bottom and they was only 65 dollars in his size. I waved the worker down and asked her did she have a nine in kids. While we was waiting I peeked over at the women shoes knowing I couldn't get nothing but I still wanted to see what they had nice.

She took the shoes behind the counter until I was ready to pay for them, I stood in line and waited for it was time to give up the last bit of my money. Leaving out the footlocker Ryan asked for some food, I couldn't be mad because he didn't eat since this morning over at Allison house.

We walked into the food court and I let him pick what he wanted, he pointed to McDonald's without using his words. I ordered his food ignoring my stomach talking because I was hungry myself.

I stared at my son as he was eating, telling myself that everything will fall into place soon. Everybody turned their backs on us but my two friends and that was the most hurtful pain ever. I understand my parents and sisters not talking to me but don't take it out on my son who wanted to be around family.

"All done mommy." Ryan said wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I full now."

"That's good baby." I smiled helping down and out the chair. "Let's get going." I picked up his shoe bag and threw his food in the trashcan, gabbing his hand.

As we was about to leave out the mall Ryan pulled me into a game store, I hate coming into stores I know I didn't have the money for.

"I want a game mommy." He let go of my hand and went over to the new Play station, something I couldn't afford right now.

"Mommy don't have the money right now maybe later." I pulled at his arm and he start crying loud.

"But I want a- a game mommy."

"I know." I got down on my knees to his level. "Mommy will get you a game soon okay ?"

He didn't say anything, he wiped his tears away, I stood up and everybody was in my face.

"What ? Damn y'all never seen a child cry before ?" I asked everybody and they soon got the fuck out my face. I picked Ryan up heading for the exit.