A Life Worth Living «tree bros»

19. going numb and getting nails painted

((Mention and description of self harm))

Another week it happened again. Another day he got hit. Evan was starting to fall numb when he got kicked, punched, spit on, whatever Connor had in store for him when he got high. One thing that he would never tell Connor: his beatings weren't enough anymore. He gave himself more pain than Connor would ever do, which included a bobby pin Connor accidentally left in his house and a lighter he gave Evan.

He went over to Connor's house. They sat in his room, right in the middle of the floor listening to Nirvana softly in the background. Both were silent for an uncomfortable amount of time, just listening to the music.

Evan just sat there, staring at Connor. The way the light from the blinds hit his face, the way it gave his messy hair a golden outline, the way he stared back at Evan sadly, eyebrows slightly knitted together and lips slightly ajar. It gave Evan chills.

Evan absent mindedly twisted the cuffs to his sweater sleeve, pulling them farther down, but avoiding any new burns or cuts on his forearm, which in hind sight was a stupid place to harm because Evan usually wore short sleeves.

"Let me see your arm," Connor said, voice soft and gentle, a little hoarse as it usually was.

Evan grabbed his sleeves harder, leaning back slightly as he felt his heart pace quicken.

"Why?" Evan asked, voice quivering ever so slightly.

"I just want to check," Connor took a deep breath as he paused slightly, "I want to see if you're okay."

"Th-theres--ah, theres nothing to check," Evan stammered out, pushing himself further back as Connor leaned forward.

"Then you would be so defensive," Connor retorted. "Was it because of me?"

"N-no!" Evan squeaked out a small lie. It wasn't entirely Connor, in fact Connor helped him. Connor helped him realize he felt better with pain. "No it wa-wasn't you! Of course it wasn't you!"

"You don't have to lie to me, Evan," Connor hesitated.

Evan shook his head, "that's why I'm not!"

"How bad is it?" Connor asked, leaning back slightly, almost flinching. "Your arms?"

Evan hung his head low and stuck his arm out for Connor to look at.

Connor gingerly took Evan's hand and rolled up his sleeve. Evan let out a small yelp as the sleeve brushed against all the rised burns, gritting his teeth as pain flared up his arm.

"Holy,
shit,
Evan," Connor breathed out as he looked at Evan's destroyed skin.

Up and down his forearm there were raised burns and blisters, some open and some still forming. Some were even white and cold to the touch.

"It's pathetic," Evan stiffly exhaled, his arm tensing, "I know."

"Where else have you harmed?" Connor asked carefully, picking and choosing the gentlest words.

Evan kept quiet, extending his other arm and looking down, motioning to his stomach.

"Is it as bad as this arm?" Connor whispered.

Evan but his lip hard, Connor could even see the tiny drops of blood spreading on his teeth.

Connor reached for the sleeve of the other arm but Evan flinched hard, signaling it was worse than the last arm he saw, but nevertheless, Evan held his arm out again.

Connor gently pushed up his sleeve, Evan ticcing, clearly getting agitated by the pain.

Connor mumbled his apologies and stared at his arm. Mixed with red slash mark, neat and lined up burns, that arm was worse. He even had small circles of grey skin where he held the flame right below the skin.