A Life Worth Living «tree bros»

8. i wish we didnt have problems

The next day Evan did his morning routine, and quickly said goodbye to his mom before hopping into Jared's car, which he was honking the horn of almost all morning.

Evan buckled his seatbelt and gripped his hands on it, fingernails digging into the already broken skin.

"Okay, Ev," Jared sighed as he started the car and began to drive down the street. "I'm looking out for you, you know."

Evan nodded quickly and briefly.

"And if you're head over heels for the Murphy, I'm fine with it," Jared shrugged. "I just, I don't know. I realized after we texted that I was being stupid and that you could care for yourself but--"

Evan nodded while Jared paused. It was a longer pause, with only the sound of the car engine filling the far too empty void of silence.

"I know I've treated you like shit lately," Jared admitted. "I'm an asshole. I know that. But, I just thought we were joking around the whole time. I didn't realize that it hurt you, and I don't want you to think we're not friends."

Evan nodded.

He didn't want to say anything. He feared he was going to mess something up.

"N-not just family friends?" Evan squeaked out.

"Not just family friends," Jared nodded back. His fingers strummed across the steering wheel. "I'm sorry I've been ignoring you and I just realized how much we could've done if I weren't such an ass."

A beat of silence. The silence that made Evan uncomfortable.

"I understand if you don't want to see me anymore," Jared said, pursing his lips.

Evan looked over, honestly taken aback by that. Jared's voice lowered into almost a whisper, knuckles turning white on the steering wheel. It was like the wall, the wall of over confident asshole behavior was lowered, like he just pranced by and saw Jared. The Jared he missed.

"I'm sorry th-that I i-ignored you," Evan sighed, placing a hand on Jared's shoulder.

Evan hated contact, but he knew Jared liked it. It was what he always did to comfort Jared when they were younger. When they were themselves. When they hung out without anxiety blocking Evan and without nagging insecurity blocking Jared.

"Are we still friends?" Jared asked, voice still quiet.

"D-definitely!" Evan said, voice cracking.

They rounded near the school and got out of the car. Once they stepped foot on the tar, Jared pulled Evan in for a quick hug, removing himself a beat later and walking up the sidewalk.

"Coming or no, Ev?" Jared chuckled asbhe kept walking. He momentarily walked backwards, facing Evan as he watched him half jog to catch up.

They walked in to school side by side, Jared smiling goofily and Evan smiling slightly, hands picking at his nails subtly.

***

It was mid day when Evan finally saw Connor. They were both in the computer hall at the time, but they weren't alone like they usually were. Some scattered people were making up projects and chatting, all clustered together and mumbling across the room.

Evan just stared at Connor, who was mindlessly doing something on the computer. He didn't notice Evan standing in the doorway until he shifted his weight and cleared his throat.

When Connor's eyes snapped up to Evan, they looked utterly broken. Bags were deepened and purple, eyes slightly bloodshot from either crying or smoking or maybe even both, and in fact, he had tears in his eyes.

Evan mouthed the words Come to the bathroom with me

And Connor slowly rised from his seat. His footsteps were quieter than before, slowly patting towards Evan. Connor's head down and hair more knotted and curly than before, eyes fixed on his hands, white knuckles attacked to his messenger bag.

Once he reached Evan, Evan's hand went out. "Squeeze my hand, your nails are digging in," Evan whispered.

Connor slowly nodded, attacking his hand to Evan's and giving a slight squeeze.

They walked quickly to the bathroom, the gender neutral, one stalled bathroom so nobody would come bursting in. Evan clicked the lock on the door as Connor slid down the wall across the sink, holding his knees with a blank expression on his face.

"C-can I s-see your arm?" Evan asked in a low tone, barely above a whisper. He was scared to upset Connor.

Connor held his arm out for Evan to see, sleeve still down to his knuckles. Evan gingerly touched the cuff of the sweatshirt, looking up to try to see if Connor flinched. He didn't, which did worry Evan.

He gently pushed the sleeve up, revealing white, thin bandages with gauze lining the inner part of his forearm. He did see small dots of blood that dried after he bled through the bandage, but he couldn't see much.

"C-Connor?" Evan piped up, not daring to reach above a whisper. "What mak-makes you do this?"

Connor looked at Evan, tears starting to trail down his face. Everything to Evan seemed so sudden. Yeah, they texted a lot about nonsense and learned about eachother but he never really thought that this would happen. Well, Evan would be lying if he said he had never thought of self harm, and even more so, he'd be lying if he said he never tried cutting himself. He decided he was too emotional to do it, and would end up crying to someone about it.

Evan rubbed Connor's hand gently.

"I'm sorry I pr-pressed questions b-before," Evan hesitated.

Connor just whispered, "You're the only one who noticed."

Evan was taken aback by that. Had his family not even notice?

"I'm, shit I'm sorry I'm dragging you down," Connor cleared his throat.

"You're not!" Evan raised his voice to a normal volume, that then sounded inappropriately loud. "Connor you have to be my best friend, even better than Jared, and yes he's an asshole but he is quite nice sometimes. An-Anyway, you're beyond good enough for me. You-you're the one that makes me feel safe. You are n-not-not holding me down."

Connor looked up for a moment, surprised by Evan's words. Surprised by his tone of voice.

Surprised that Evan thinks of him as a friend.

Nobody has been Connor's friend. His classmates were brutal to him in highschool--hell, they used to throw exactly knives his direction to mock him. Even his own sister didn't like him. She had reasons, and Connor understood that. He understood not many people liked him.

"You're coming home with me," Evan stated, voice shivering.

Connor simply nodded.

Evan soon latched onto Connor in a tight hug, Connor completely shocked and still, until he finally caught up and melted into the hug. He sniffles slightly, tears still streaming from his eyes.

He inhaled the sweet lavender and pine needle smell Evan had, (which was probably perfume his mom gave him) which was a comforting smell. Connor? If he didn't smell like weed he usually had the scent of laundry detergent on him.

Evan's fingers swirled small patterns into his back, slowly and quietly, and hummed tunes Connor didn't recognize.

That moment seemed to last forever.

---

hey I'm all for inconsistent updates but here's a little more on Connor I am going to go more in depth with Jared too sorry they're all mashed into one chapter I'm lowkey really bad at planning chapters