A Life Worth Living «tree bros»

6. overthinking and meeting the murphys

"So are you okay going to my house first?" Connor asked, turning towards Evan while they're still walking.

Their hands grew apart somewhere after the phone call, so now Connor's one hand was around his coffee cup and one hand in his pocket. Evan? One hand around the cup and one hand white knuckled, gripping to his backpack strap and fingernails digging into his palm.

"Y-yeah uh, uh how long, uh will I be," Evan stammered, "will I be there?"

Connor slowed his pace and looked at Evan, eyes tracing every feature and every single spot on his face, tracing down his whole body.

Connor's hand inched out of his pocket and grazed over Evan's, which was still prying at his strap, asking permission to hold it again.

Evan's grip slipped and his hand was laced together with Connor's, and he already felt heat rise to his cheeks as he looked down at the intertwined hands.

"However long you want to stay," Connor said. "You won't even have to step into the house, I just need to run by and tell me parents I'm out with you so they believe me. They've had me under watch since school started."

"Wh-why?" Evan asked quietly. "Do th-they not trust you?"

"No, they really don't," Connor scowled. "I see why, but it's mostly just my mom who watches. My dad doesn't care about me."

There was a beat of silence, a beat of debate in Evan's head.

Oh well, his mouth slipped.

"M-my dad's shitty too," Evan sighed.

"What'd your dad do?"

"He left my mom, already got engaged and married right-right then. My mom thinks he was, ah, yeah cheating on, ah, her," Evan took a deep breath. "He has his own kids, and he for-forgets my name, sometimes."

"Man, that sucks," Connor cleared his throat, looking down at his feet as he kicked some rocks up.

"What's your dad like?" Evan asked, looking up at Connor's face, noticing small, single freckles scattered far away from eachother on his cheeks that he hadn't noticed before.

"He openly hates me I guess," Connor shrugged. "He tells me I fake things for attention, like depression apparently isn't real in his world. And Zoe of course is the stargirl. He's just, so, I don't know. I want validation, but only from him. That's all that mattered to me."

There was some silence, the only noise in their ears was the breath of the other. The steady beat of their footsteps as they walked in time, already approaching the house. Evan squeezed Connor's hand again.

They both approached the dark blue door, Connor opening it right away.

"I'm going out with Evan!" He yelled to them.

"Since when did you care enough to tell us anything?!" Zoe screamed back, somewhere in the house, rooms echoing between them.

"Since when do you suddenly respond when I talk?!" Connor yelled back.

"Connor!" His mom called towards the door in delight. "I'm glad you stopped by! Who's Evan?"

"This is Evan," Connor said more calm.

Evan squeezed Connor's hand so tight he thought it would snap. Both of their knuckles went white. Evan's breathing was noticeably quicker and Connor definitely noticed his hands went even sweatier.

What if Connor's mom hated Evan was he not allowed to see Connor again wait why does Evan care they met eachother maybe a week ago and they haven't talked very much and Connor was kind of off and on and still scared Evan but he wanted a friend besides Jared because Jared was kind of an asshole a lot of the time and told Evan he was his ticket to car insurance but Connor never said that to Evan but maybe Jared was right and Connor was abusive oh god what if Jared was right Evan knew he didn't get along with Zoe and he'd seen them fight physically but it never occurred to him that it was full abuse--

"Hi Evan!" There was a lady with thick curls and a pretty expensive looking pink outfit in front of Evan and he didn't really knew where she came from. "I'm Cynthia Murphy! Gosh, it's so nice to see my son made a friend! Do you want to come in for a brownie or a cupcake we have plenty of sweets around the house! Any allergies? Everything here is gluten free so you don't need to worry if you have a sensitivity!"

"No, mom we need to go," Connor urged as he felt Evan's grip get stronger and arm get shakier.

"Oh, okay that's fine!" Cynthia nodded. "I hope I get to see more of you, Evan!"

"I-I hope s-so too," Evan nodded shakily, voice quivering as he spoke.

"Oh, darling are you okay?" Cynthia asked, rushing to the very edge of the door, looking at Evan with concern. Evan's hand was prying at Connor's, gripping so hard his wrist hurt. "You're shaking and stuttering so much! Are you cold?"

How could Connor let him do that to his hand? He'll leave a bruise on Connor.

His stomach turned and did flips and his head was hurting real bad from how close everybody was and Connor? Well, he felt especially anxious being next to--and touching-- Connor.

That's when reality hit him.

He didn't take his medication that day. That's why he felt so nauseous all day.

It was too late in the day to take it. He would have to wait until night so he kept the same scheduale, unless he took emergency pills, but those were to slow his heart rate down in case he was about to pass out and he didn't want to risk taking them without emergency.

"Mom, knock it off!" Connor slightly raised his voice, and gave Evan a reassuring squeeze to his hand. Evan felt like he was getting plundered under water and might cry he was so shaken up from everything that day.

"I'm sor--"

"Mom, drop it."

"What's wrong?" She sighed, dropping her hands.

"Evan, he's got social anxiety," Connor explained, voice heavy with a breathy, given up tone to him. "And it's been a little bad today. I just wanted to stop in so nobody would go and get us, or call us or anything."

"Okay," Cynthia said, "maybe we could start over another time then."

"Yeah maybe," Connor rolled his eyes and groaned. "I'm going to walk with him. Bye."

He closed the door right on his mom, stepping into the house just to slam the door behind him as he left.

Their hands dropped for a moment, both boys putting their extra hand in their pocket.

"You have a strong grip," Connor chuckled, but no smile was on his lips yet. He never really smiled.

"O-oh my god I'm--did I hurt you--I'm so sorry Connor!" He stammered. "Tell-tell me if I h-hurt y--"

"You didn't," Connor shrugged off. "Do you want to go home? Or I can take you somewhere."

"Wh-whichever is more convenient for you," Evan choked out, looking down at his shoes as they walked.

"Let's get you home, and you can text me if you want to do anything," Connor said. "You seem really anxious and I don't want to get you more."

Evan nodded slightly.

The walk back to his house, they were both silent. Too deep in thought yet both thinking about the same thing. Why won't he talk?

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I'm bad at updating I'm sorry also zoe will be in here more often soon