A Life Worth Living «tree bros»

1. out of everyone, you helped.

(Trigger warning this is a graphic scene of panic and anxiety and there is strong langauge)

Evan needed to breathe. He couldn't breathe. To him, it felt like someone was sitting on his chest, cracking each rib until they collapse on his lungs, allowing no air through. Like someone took their hands and rescricted his throat, only allowing one small movement. Fuck, each time he tried to open his eyes everything's spinning in a blurry mess. His eyes stung each time he tried.

He was right outside the school through the side door. Sixth period. One away from his free period.

The creak from the door opening besides him made his heart jump to a stop, but then it started faster. Faster. Faster fasterfastefaster He felt his heart race in his throat, the sound taking over his ears, giving him a raging, headsplitting headache.

The door.

The door opened. It closed with a small noise.

"Hey," a low, raspy voice caught him by surprise. Evan could barely hear them over his own pulse. It was all too loud.

Fasterfatserfaster he couldn't take it anymore.

His eyes squeezed shut again. Fresh, hot tears still kept coming, no matter how hard he tried to stop them. It only made it worse.

"Hansen?" The voice said unevenly.

He craned his head up slowly, opening his no doubt bloodshot eyes , blinking to get most of the tears out.

He still could barely breathe. He couldn't catch my breath. He wanted to throw up oh please dear god don't throw up.

He looked to connect the voice to a face.

That's when he felt his heart stop all together, skipping a beat.

Connor Murphy.

The Connor Murphy he shoved Evan in the hallway not that long ago why was he there he was probably videotaping him he was going to show everyone because it because Evan was an ugly crier the whole school will know and laugh at him wh--

"Are you okay?"

He wanted to run. His legs were heavy he couldn't move why couldn't he move

He shook his head slowly.

He couldn't catch his breath. Please don't throw up. He'll laugh and tell everybody.

"Fuck," he muttered. "Panic attack, okay shit, how do I help?"

He didnt know
Fuck He didn't know

"If I get anything wrong I'm fucking sorry," Connor rushed out. "I'm googling this shit I hope you know. Okay, you're doing okay."

No he's not.

He's really not.

"Nothing out here is going to harm you," Connor said in a not-so-steady voice. "You're okay."

"Breath with me," Connor stated. "1-2-3-4-5 hold. 1-2-3-4-5." He repeated that slowly, getting slower and slower each time and god that hurt Evan's chest.

He forced his chest up and down, heaving it slowly, keeping in time with Connor, taking short breathes in between as a gasp for more air.

"Can you raise your arm above your head?" Connor asked, glancing up from his phone to see Evan's reaction. "Just focus on it. You're doing such a good job so far."

He slowly and shakily moved his arm. His arms weren't the problem. His legs. They feel solid. The world was spinning and destrorting in front of him, the pulse in his ears slowly morphed into one constant ringing.

"C-c-an you h-help me-- me up?" Evan stuttered out through the lump in my throat. "I-I feel l-like I-I'm going to th-throw up."

Connor held out his arm. Evan took it, trying his best to get off the ground, and Connor hooked his other arm around Evan's waist. His knees wobbled as they both walked to the nearby dumpster.

Evan leaned over and violently dry heaved until something came up, letting go of Connor and holding onto the edge of the small window in the dumpster.

His breathing was slowly continuing to a normal pace, his pulse wasn't so loud but he still had a splitting headache and my stomach was in a knot of fear. ,

"Hansen?" Connor asked, even though Evan's head was still in the dumpster. "Do you have any pills to calm you down?"

Evan nodded.

"N-nurse," he explained theough his stuttering, trying to swallow down any unwanted words, and trying his best to swallow down anymore tears but they still dripping down his cheeks, no matter how many times he wiped them off, fresh ones take their place.

"Let's go," Connor said simply, then wrapped his arm around Evan's waist to go to support him walking.

His legs were weak and he was so dizzy he thought he was about to pass out. Last time Evan passed out while having a panic attack he woke up in the ER and if that happened then that means he would have to skip classes and the nurse would probably make a big show with an ambulance and then everyone would know and he would be known as that freak who threw up so hard he passed out while crying and got sent to the ER in the middle of the day and somebody would probably spread rumors but knowing his luck those rumors would be true and it'd be something like the anger issues kid walking with him with puke down his shirt while passing out and they'd think they were together or something by how they were walking and they weren't gay nothing wrong with being gay it's just people in their school get very hateful towards them but Evan never understood he didn't see why they're awfully nice people where was he?

"Do you want to go through the hall or do you want to go around the wing from out here?" Connor asked.

His words barely made it to Evan's head.

"O-out here," He choked out. "Idon'twantpeopleseeingmewhenimabouttopassoutfromcryingtoohard."

"Fair enough," Connor shrugged.

Evan leaned on him as he walked. Each step his vision blurred worse, soon enough black and white spots were appearing at the edges of his vision, slowly creeping in. Slowly suffocating him.

He lead Evan through the door.

And another door.

All the voices were watery as more and more of his vision was damaged. Something was in his mouth. His chin tilted up. Another door. Everything went black.

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Sorry if this is a little shitty but hey!! I'm tree bros trash nice to meet you!!

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