Behind

Chapter 34

I woke up to my mom's voice behind my door. I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep.

"Honey?"

I panicked and looked over at Nash's side of the bed. 

But he wasn't there.

I cranked my head up to the door and hopped out of my bed to walk towards it. My vision scattered my room on the way there, finding no sign of my beautiful, blue eyed pal.

I opened my door. "Yeah?"

She looked suspiciously at my existence, up and down. She pursed her lips and shot me a sympathetic eye. "It's Monday dear, you're supposed to be in school."

My eyes widened and my heart dropped deep into my intestines. School, I thought. That seemed to be the least of my concerns at the moment. 

"I'm just not feeling well so I decided to stay home." I lied quickly.

My mom kept looking at me and I could tell she wasn't buying it this time. She set her middle aged hand on the door frame and looked at it as she spoke. "Look, I know things are hard right now, and I understand everything you're going through because it's a lot to take in." She pressed her lips together as if she had just put on lip balm. "But you have to adjust and move on with your regular activities. It's yet another obstacle that I know you're capable of overcoming."

I nodded.

She looked at her thin, metal watch and then looked back up at me. "It's almost eleven o'clock, so I'm going to let you stay home for the remainder of the day." She spun to walk away and talked as she moved. "I just got nervous when the school called and said you hadn't showed up, so I came home to check on you."

I picked at some paint on the wall next to my door as I watched my mom walk toward the stairs. She stopped when she stood at the top of the staircase.

"Who trailed mud in here?" She sounded overwhelmed. "This is hideous." She viewed what I imagined to be mud spots on the rug and shook her head. "This will be a pain to clean."

I never even thought to ask Nash to take off his shoes last night.

I shut the door when she got down the stairs and plopped back onto my bed. Why didn't she realize that I wasn't downstairs for breakfast?  

I shook my head and tried to forget about it. Maybe this is hitting her hard, too. I mean, this is probably a big moment for her; her daughter is finally finding out about probably the biggest secret in her life.

I texted Nash. 

"Where'd you go?"

He texted back moments later. No school for him I'm assuming.

"You have school."

The period at the end of the text made my stomach tense. 

"Yeah... I stayed home"

I watched as the icon that portrayed his actions of responding appeared. My heartbeat pounded with every second that I waited.

"oh lol"

The only thing worse than a period in a text was "lol".

Not being the normal teenager that would simply leave the conversation and hope things would get better, I decided to call Nash. 

After last night, something has to have changed between us.

"Hello." He answered monotonously. 

"Hey, what's up?" I asked cheerfully.

He cleared his throat. "Nothing."

I squinted my eyes. "Do you want to go get something to eat or come over or something?" 

"Not really." He grunted.

I was taken back by this. I felt the attitude build in my voice. "Why not?" 

"I don't really feel like it." 

I couldn't hold it back. "Are you just going to ignore what happened last night?" I blurted.

"I'm not going to ignore it." He started, his attitude quickly building to match my own. "I just don't think too much of it, like you seem to be doing."

"I'm obviously going to think much of it." I said with annoyance. "I thought you were there for me." My voice strained as I spoke.

"I am here for you Teal." He said softly. "I just don't think we're a thing. If you know what I mean." 

My heart sunk and I looked around my room. I should have known. "Then why did you.. kiss me?" 

"Spur of the moment thing. Maybe? I don't know- I just." He was at loss for words. "I really do- I don't know how to-"

"I get it." I interrupted. 

"No, you don't get it." He spoke. "It's too much to just get."

"I'm going to go." I said quietly. "Feel free to text me sometime if you don't delete my number too."

I hung up with that.

I felt tears build in my eyes, and when I squeezed them shut, the tears snuck their way onto my cheeks. How could I have been so foolish to think that he genuinely cared and wanted to be with me? 

But why did his feelings change so suddenly? What could have gone through his mind that made him feel so different out of nowhere?

Who knows?

I'm simply a stupid, sensitive teenager. 

***

I walked downstairs to get a bite to eat and was surprised by my mom's presence.

"Why are you still here?" I asked, grabbing a crimson red apple.

"I didn't feel like going back once I left." She set a plate on the counter. "Want a snack?"

I shrugged and bit into my apple. "Grilled cheese?" 

She smiled. "You got it."

I sat down at the table and scrolled down my Vine and Instagram timelines. 

I found it not-so-funny that Nash hadn't texted me, but what was I really expecting after snapping at him like that?

I couldn't stop running into pictures and messages to Matt. The fans were so supportive and they were torn apart at a high extent over all of this. Who wasn't though?

I quickly scrolled away from it all and my blood sent electric shocks through my body when I received a text. I clicked anxiously on my message inbox.

It wasn't from Nash.

It wasn't from Shawn.

It was from Gilinsky. 

I held my breath unintentionally as I opened the message. 

"I need to talk to you. What are you doing after school?"

I stopped breathing momentarily. Gilinsky had never texted me out of the blue before. How come the one time he does, he needs to talk to me? Something's definitely up.

I quickly padded my fingers across the glass screen. "I stayed home today, what's going on?"

He had his read receipts on and the message was read the second I had sent it. 

"I'm picking you up in an hour. Be ready."

I started typing back "Okay, I will" but it was interupted by a second message from Gilinsky.

"And I'm going to need you to bring the notes you received from the mystery culprit. I think I may have an unfortunate lead on this."