Alone With Ross

•94•

Ross noted my dig towards Danielle and he rolled his eyes. "Sometimes it's not a matter of trust. Sometimes it's just fear for the amazing thing you could lose." He smirked. "I mean look at what happened to us, you didn't trust me going out to see April, you didn't trust that I'd come back to you, like I promised." He shrugged with a shit eating grin on his face and I turned my back to him, so he couldn't see how much he actually hurt me.

"Just go." I said defeated. The sound of the music from downstairs had started, it was going to give me a headache for sure.

"Oh, well I came up to tell you that I'm your escort for the rehearsal stuff since we're both in the bridal party." He walked towards the door, but the sound of metal clattering to the floor reached my ears and I turned around, confused.

Ross stood there with his hand midair as the door knob was rolling back and forth on the floor, he then looked up at me before looking at the door and abruptly banging on it. "Help!" His sudden volume startled me.

"Use your phone you nimrod!" I hissed and he looked towards me with an annoyed expression.

"It's in my room you imbecile." He said in the same tone. "You use your phone." I rolled my eyes and went towards the dresser to get it just as I unlocked it and was about to click on VI's name Ross spoke up. "Not Vi she's busy." Ross' voice right by my ear had startled me causing me to drop the phone and to my dismay it had landed right in my cup of water, the screen instantly crapped out and I grabbed it in a panic.

"No, no, no! Ugh!" I tossed in on my bed and massaged my temples. "It's broken."

As am I.

I curled in on myself as I leaned against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest. I was absolutely gutted. How many times would I find myself trapped with him? I looked at him, my vision blurred with tears.

This will be the last time. I promised myself.

"Here let me see, I can probably fix it." Ross came towards my phone and I laughed darkly.

"You can't fix it, it was submerged in water, its flooded and I don't see any bags of rice I could use. So you can't fix it." I sighed. My tone made Ross look at me and his face softened.

"Are you okay Cass?"

No. "You always ask me that." I responded quietly. "And I never tell you the truth. Because you don't want to hear it."

"Hear what?" He asked in confusion. My eyes closed in sorrow.

"That I'm not okay." I answered simply. "That being around you is worse then I thought it was going to be."

"You don't want to be around me?" His tone was offended and I immediately shook my head. "Then what are you talking about?" He seemed fed up so I decided to just come out and say it.

"I still love you."

The room went silent, aside from the music pulsating from downstairs. Ross didn't dare to look at me as I still sat against the wall. I could see him start to move I assumed he was going to try to pry the door open again, but to my utter surprise he grabbed me by my arms, hugging me closely to him, I could hardly breathe both from shock and how hard he was holding each, but I wasn't complaining.

"I-I wasn't saying that because I wanted you to feel bad for me, I didn't say it so I could get something in return either, or to guilt you. I've been feeling like shit for so long, and it's because I don't know how to be happy for you, without you."

After awhile of him holding me my arms awkwardly fell to my sides, but immediately went back as he started shaking. My shoulder became wet with his tears and he began to speak. "Why now? Why when I was so ready to move one? Why every time I'm ready to be done with you, why must you reel me back in each time?"

"I'm sorry." I felt as if I said it to him millions of times. Our lines are just on a constant repeat because we keep ending up right back where we started.

And it's not good for either of us.

"I'm sorry too." Ross pulled himself away from me quickly wiping his tears. The moment he pulled his hands away our eyes held each other's stare. Staring into his eyes brought a wave of nostalgia and subconsciously I moved closer to get a better looks, but suddenly the hazel irises disappeared and his lips softly touched my own, making my eyes shut. Out of an old habit I stepped closer to him, placing my hand just below his jaw line, it was like slipping your hand in a baseball glove. And his hand rested at the small of my back pulling me closer as well.

He overrode my senses and he was everywhere. His head tilted and I tilted in the opposite direction with a sigh as I got a taste for the first time in years.

Being with Ross was like being on every illegal and prescription drug imaginable, because you just become numb to the world. And I found it hard to find a reason to not do this right now.

It was frustrating because it was like a pang in my head, while I tried all the best to keep Ross' soft lips down to memory I couldn't focus as a name registered in my head.

Shoving him off me I breathed out, "Danielle." We were both panting but his hand went towards his mouth in shock. "D-Danielle, you're engaged to Danielle! Fuck!" I exploded my fist swinging out punching the dry wall, not even making a dent but my hand throbbed.

"You can't tell her." Ross said in panic.

"I don't want to tell her! I don't want to be a fucking home wrecker, Ross!" I paced in the room before coming to a halt. "You know what? We're done, alright? Anything and everything we had ever wanted or dreamt of or hoped for or fucking started, it's all done." Ross nodded his head quickly, his cheeks still pink from our endeavor. "And you can tell her after I leave, or don't, I don't care." I walked closer to him. "No more emails, messages, phone calls. As soon as I get that damn phone fixed I'm going to block and delete your number then we're going to never come in contact again."

"I get it." Ross said quietly.

"Do you love her?" My voice cracked and he nodded his head. "And me?" I just needed to know once and for all if all of this mess was even worth it.

"I will always love you." He looked at his shoes a tear falling down his cheek. "Just not the way you'd want."

I nodded my head. "I can live with that. That's all I needed." I kept nodding my head as Ross came towards me his arms held out and I backed up slightly. "I'm going to be okay, I promise." A sob broke out. "I'm going to be okay."

I sat on the bed hiccuping and sobbing as Ross sat across the room holding his head in his hands. Both of our heads snapped up at the sight of the door jiggling. And finally Piper busted through huffing and puffing only to freeze as she looked back and forth between me and Ross as we both stood in shock.

"What the hell happened in here?" She asked incredulously making note of our tear streaked faces.

"Uh, nothing." I wiped my face. "My phone broke I was just a little upset at the memories I might've lost." I shrugged my shoulders and Pipers face softened moving out of the way as Ross made his escape, his eye caught mine with a worried stare but I looked away and towards the floor.

"We have to get going dinner rehearsals started without you guys." Piper excused my strange behavior as she took my hand leading me downstairs.

•••••

Six chapters left plus an epilogue.

67 days till I see R5 and meet Ryland .-.

Thanks for reading it means the world!

Love, Aliah