Bruises & Bitemarks (SasuNaru)

49.

I feel better in the morning. Talking to Kyuubi has made me feel better. Not only can I tell him anything, but he knows it already, so I don't have to say it. But I can, if I want to – it makes me feel better. Kyuubi doesn't make smarmy comments as usual. Kyuubi has always been with me.

I thank Shizune-sensei and leave the nurse's office after lunch. I go home.

It's still empty.

I lie on my bed for a long time. My mind is blank. I can sense Kyuubi's presence nearby, but uncharacteristically he says nothing. He seems to be observing me, watching over me. We just stay there, together, in silence, for hours – before lunch, after lunch, after dinner. Even the next day, whether I'm in class and out, and the day after that, which is the weekend – Kyuubi just stays close and stays silent.

But my heart aches. The room is too empty. It's not home without Sasuke. I feel so isolated, so alienated. I need physical contact. I need someone.

"You need physical contact?" says Kyuubi. "Go to the dance club."

—

I wear the clothes Sasuke likes best on me. Something baggy but stylish, something bright and unique that shouts confidence and makes me feel comfortable. I want to stand out tonight.

It's barely dark out, but that doesn't make a difference in the club. It provides its own darkness, its own lighting; it creates its own late-night atmosphere that lasts from seven PM 'til three in the morning, suspending time.

I head in and lose myself in the crowd, the closeness of bodies, the inevitable physical proximity. As a new song starts like an engine revving up, I abandon my soul to the music and let my body move. I'm desperate – I dance hard; I put all my energy into making a show. I see people watching me, impressed. It's thrilling – it's what I need. I want attention. I gather a crowd. I breakdance, and someone cheers. I make eye contact with a girl who's alone and, when she smiles, I start dancing towards her. She takes up the beat and we dance together. I put my hands on her waist; she takes my shoulders. Closer and closer we dance. I move my hips. She sways hers. Her touch is exhilarating, releasing days of tension, of stress and worry, and when she breathes seductively against my mouth, I kiss her.

Her taste is different from Sasuke's. She's already had a drink or two besides; but her own unique flavour is sweeter.

I don't like the way she kisses. I don't know how to gauge the quality of someone's kissing technique, but I'm so in love with Sasuke's, with his taste, with his way of licking and nipping, his way of touching me and grinding with me, and this just isn't the same. I break the kiss with little reluctance, thank the girl for dancing, and leave.

I look for a guy. Maybe I really am gay, I think to myself; maybe I've stopped liking girls. One teen who looks a year or two older than me catches my eye – heavily layered, fluffy-thin hair with a rich red hue that sweeps across his brow; clear, icy blue eyes; slender like Sasuke, but taller. His dark shirt (which fails to cover his navel) and his torn jeans hug his form in a near-sensual way and numerous chains and belts adorn his hips. What really clues me in, however, is the blue symbol on the back of his shirt: two circles, each with an arrow coming out of it – the universal male symbol – linked together like rings.

I rotate my hips and dance into his line of sight, pretending to be lost in my own world. I steal a glance at him – he's practically drooling at the sight of me. I meet his eye. He dances over. He's easily several inches taller than me. He smiles enticingly as he comes within a metre of me. The smell of his cologne is addicting.

"What's a hottie like you doing here alone?" he asks, voice low.

"Would you believe me if I said I was looking for some excitement?" I reply.