The Broken Boy

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Mary MacDonald didn't know what to do. Here she was a her old best friends funeral, and she had no one to comfort or to comfort her. Trying desperately to hold back the sobs that were building up inside her, threatening to spill out as they had for the past five days, she took a seat in the first row. It was empty. Mary knew James's parents, who were aurors, had been killed in a chase when James was in seventh year. She still remembered how James had screamed at the breakfast table, an unearthly high pitched note that went on for what seemed like hours, and then he had collapsed in Sirius's arms and the professors had let them stay up in the dormitory all day.

Mr and Mrs Evans absence, however, was a surprise to her. Then she remembered an article she'd read a few months ago about a pair of muggles who had been tortured by Antonin Dolohov before being killed brutally. She slumped in her chair. Lily's parents, gone, and Lily hadn't even told her.

"Mary?" A quiet voice said, and Remus Lupin sat down beside her.

Remus was one of those people who always looked tired, but right now he looked destroyed, as if his whole world had been ripped out from beneath him. His eyes were red-rimmed and so darkly shadowed beneath they could have been ink stains against his pale skin, which had taken on a waxy appearance, and his whole body was trembling ever so slightly, as though he was barely holding on.

"Remus I'm- I'm so sorry," Mary said, unable to imagine what he was going through.

Lily had been her best friend up until around seventh year, when they'd drifted apart, but Mary knew they had never been as close as Remus and Lily or Remus and James. Mary doubted anyone could ever be as close as Remus and James. Except maybe Remus and Sirius. Or, of course, Sirius and James.

"Me too," Remus whispered.

"Where's Sirius?" Mary asked, surprised the dark haired boy wasn't plastered to Remus's side.

Remus's face clouded with anger, startling Mary, because Remus wasn't an angry person at all.

"I don't want to talk about him," Remus said viciously, clenching his fists.

When he relaxed his hands and took a seat beside her, there were crescent shaped dents in his palms and Mary wondered what on earth had happened to make him so furious at Sirius.

The room hushed as the ceremony began. It was all a blur to Mary. The only thing she processed was the fact that Lily - fiery, intelligent, kind, 21 year old Lily - was encased in the glossy mahogany coffin that had been wheeled into the room. Then there was James, lying in a shiny black coffin, and Mary found it difficult to picture him beneath the wood. She wondered if they'd straightened his glasses and fixed up his hair. As much as she'd hated him, she hoped not. He'd been a complete and utter prick all through school, but Lily had loved him, and Lily never loved just anyone.

Remus was completely still as he stared at the boxes holding two of his best friends bodies. Mary slipped her hand into his but after a moment he pulled back. Mary thought she understood. He wanted Sirius holding his hand, or Peter. Or, of course, James or Lily.

Towards the end of the ceremony, Remus got up to make a speech and Mary drank in every word. He returned to his seat sobbing, and this time when Mary reached out a consoling hand he buried his face in her shoulder, his howls muffled against the velvet of her black dress.

Finally, everyone was invited to take a white rose and place it upon each of the coffins. Neither Mary nor Remus wanted to do so. They both knew Lily hated roses and consequently James did as well.

Remus was to walk with the coffins to the hearse so Mary waited by the gates, thinking he might want to talk.

"Hey," Remus said after she had been waiting for a while. He sounded much calmer, though she noticed he was shredding a rose, the white petals cascading to the ground like snow. "Thank you for..."

She nodded and stared at her hands.

"If you ever want to grab a drink or something..." He began, but she knew it was an empty offer. After this, she doubted they'd ever see each other again.

"Will you be okay?" She questioned eventually, after a significant amount of rose-shredding and hand-staring had passed.

He dropped the naked rose stem and looked up at the sky, the light dappling his wan face, the scars she had never learned the origin of like streaks of scarlet paint.

"I don't know," he finally replied, looking back at her. "If Sirius..."

"What happened with him?" Mary asked gently.

"You'll find out soon, I expect," he said bitterly, though there was more sorrow than anger in his voice, unlike the last time Sirius's name had been mentioned.

"Well I'd better get going," she mumbled, taking a step towards him.

He pulled her into a hug, his arms limp around her, his hands shaking at her back. She squeezed him tightly and pressed her lips quickly to his cheek.

Then she pulled away, walking backwards for a few steps and watching as he brushed the spot she had kissed with the long, delicate fingers of his left hand.

By the time she reached the Apparation-safe area, tears were streaming down her cheeks. Tears for Lily, tears for James. Tears for Harry, their baby boy, whom Lily had sent photos of along with a lengthy letter that Mary had read and reread for days. And tears for Remus, whom she knew would never be okay. 

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