FIRST AND ONLY

CHAPTER 38

CHAPTER 38

“Hey Mckenzie….”

Gaile said on the recorder, unexpected about this whole thing. This is my 5th time listening to it since I checked in for my flight. I’m sitting now near the window of the airplane.

…I’m leaving tomorrow, you don’t deserve a goodbye from me. No, actually, I didn’t deserve a “Hello” from you in the first place.” She said.I guess she had this recorded right before she left to go to Cebu.

I closed my eyes while listening to her voice.

“You’re just too good enough for me…too sweet, kind and all things a girl hoped for. I liked you..don’t get me wrong..”

I never really get what Gaile says.

…I was in denial. I pushed away my feelings because I knew it would never work… My heart was elsewhere, it was still with Lance, while yours just kept on falling, it wasn’t fair.”

I nodded. I knew it from the beginning, It was something I knew all along, I was indenial too, I kept my hopes up, too long.

“Mckenzie….”

She calls my name again, this time…I can hear pain.

…If you were happy before you knew me, you can be happy even after I’m gone. Don’t be afraid to love again.” She said with a shaking voice and a forced laugh I sensed. “When the one you want leaves, the one you need will come along, remember that okay? It was super nice knowing you”

After a long silence she ended up the record by saying “ThankZie, for everything.”

Goodbyes hurt more than anything, especially when deep down you know you will never say hello again. It takes seconds to say hello, but it takes forever to say goodbye. Saying goodbye to someone I love a lot, kills me. Knowing that they’re leaving my life and I’ll never get to see them again. But sometimes letting go is for the best.

Some people say they'd rather have something than nothing. But the truth is, it's worse to have something halfway than to have nothing at all.

And this is the last time I would hear her say that, I said to myself. People don’t leave cause things are getting hard, they leave because most of they realize it’s no longer worth it. When I opened my eyes again, I was back in Manila.

It was past 6 when I reached our City. I didn’t bother Noy to accompany me. It’s Thrusday, I realized. I used to have this habit of praying to this small little Chapel that’s near our Village. I thought of going after God know how long.

I entered the Church and it was too peaceful. Almost empty. I breathed in the fresh air.

“This is where the whole crap little belief about finding love started..” I whispered to myself while lightning a candle. I closed my eyes for awhile and prayed.

As I close my eyes,everything flashed back, I started remembering everything,from meeting the old fortune teller to going back to Manila with this burden I can’t seem to carry any longer. Who said everyone forgets after awhile? You don’t forget. You just force yourself to believe that some things weren’t meant to happen, so you move on.

“Ughh, I’m so stupid.” I whispered.

“So,talking to yourself is still a habit huh?” A girl started talking.