FIRST AND ONLY

CHAPTER 22

Ever gone through heartbreak? No? I’ll tell you a little something about heart break. It’s by far the worst pain. Losing somebody that you love, is a death itself. You feel like holding on to this dead corpse when there’s nothing more you can do with it. And to top it all off, it’s all inside. Personally, I’d rather have broken 10 bones all at once than gone through this heart break. Broken bones heal. You know that you’ll live. As of where a broken heart, you feel like the pain could kill you. You expect to drop dead from the incredible amount of pain. But you don’t. You live through it. You feel it. And all you can do is just push through every single day, and act as if nothings wrong.

Gaile left for Cebu without even texting Goodbye or sorry or just exerting an effort that could ease even ounce of heaviness I’m feeling right now, she just didn’t and I couldn’t think of a reasonable excuse in doing so. So How am I? If you were to ask me “How am I doing?”, something next to “miserable” could describe it.

I’ve spent my two whole weeks being on detention or freaking my mind out, I wasn’t doing anything right.

On Monday

I got scolded by My music teacher, she asked our class what was the most beautiful musical instrument for us, I raised my hand and answered “The ringing bell”, she got mad at me, and sent me to detention.

On Wednesday

I failed my long test in Chemistry which is a big factor in our subject.

On Friday

I got an “F” on my poem in English class, The prof asked us to pour our heart out and create a poem based on what we feel. I got a failing grade of 64 on my poem entitled “I hope you step on a Lego” which talks about the pain I’m currently experiencing.

On Monday-Wednesday

I didn’t attend school, I took the wrong bus again and got lost, I’m suddenly loving that feeling…to be lost.

On Thursday

I ditched Veronica, we were supposed to be doing that “Know yourself thingy”.

On Friday

Pau, Jessica and Anthony tried to talk to me about the issues I’m dealing with, I didn’t let them, I just…don’t wanna talk to anybody. I hated everyone.

I cannot smile anymore, I cannot work for school anymore, I cannot watch a movie anymore, I cannot read a book anymore, I cannot eat anymore, I cannot draw anymore, I cannot listen to a music anymore, I cannot be happy anymore.

But for sure, I can cry, I can think about how I feel, I can lie to every single person who’s asking me “How are you”, I can feel alone, I can write, I can dream about a better future, I can desperate, I can feel depressed.

I checked my emails and I didn’t get a reply from Gaile, she deactivated her account on Facebook, changed her cellphone number, and this is the only possible way I can still get in touch with her. I still should try, right? It wouldn’t hurt to send her again an email? I mean what if it was sent oh her SPAM or Junk Mail, or maybe she’s just too busy to reply.

“Hey Gaile, I’ve sent three emails already,I just wanna know how are you doing?I hope all is well.I miss you.”

Love,

Mckenzie

I really wonder why people all of a sudden change, one day they are sweet to you, the next day you don’t exist. One day they make you feel important, next day you’re their last priority. One day they’re here, next day they’re gone. Ironic how people and things can change, at one point we were extremely close with each other, now we’re strangers, they are not anymore giving you a word or acknowledgement or a greeting. This person, who once confessed everything about herself, her fears, weakness, desires, dreams and almost everything is now a totally different person.